My Life

Love without Words - May 13, 2008

2008-07-15T07:23:00.000-07:00

Leprosy is something I've tried to visualize for many years as I've read about the miracles. Today was finally the day I'd been looking forward to for years. As we hiked a couple miles through the rain to reach the leper colony, I tried to prepare myself for what I was going to see. I didn't want to arrive in such shock that all I could do was stare at the deformities of their hands and feet. I didn't want to just sit in awkward silence with them. I wanted them to know I cared. a lot! The first few people I talked to proved to be difficult conversations. I don't speak Nepali and they didn't speak English. Any comment required a lot of hand motions and most of the time what we said in English and them in Nepali, had nothing to do with eachother. Language barriers are really difficult for me to accept. There had to be a different way to appoach this. I wanted to touch them. For them to know that I didn't judge or fear them. After all, each of these lepers had been sent to this camp away from their families because everyone believed God was juding them for their sin and they didn't want to catch it.

Paige and I decided to go back and sit with one of the ladies. If the silence wanted to be awkward, so be it. But it turned out to be an experience I'll never forget. I reached out for her hand and gave her a hand massage with lotion. I did this for probably fifteen minutes. The childish joy in her eyes made the hike completely worth it. When I finished she just kept rubbing her hands together, one against the other. I wondered how long it had been since her hands had been that soft. I still couldn't communicate with her in words, but that doesn't mean we didn't communicate. we shared pictures with her and just held her close. Everyday I think, "this was the happiest day of my life" but I think today really was. I learned that sometimes words get in the way. When we couldn't talk, we had to love. I probably won't forget the knobby hand I held, but even more, I'll remember her joy.

Freedom of prayer - July 14, 2008

2008-07-14T06:50:00.000-07:00

Today was another street ministry day meaning we drove into a village far from Kathmandu and shared Jesus with the people. Something about sharing what I believe exhausts me more than anything else I know. I think it is because I care so much for these people. I want them to see the passion in my eyes, be convinced by my story, and accept the peace that I get to experience everyday. The village today was much more rural than some have been and the crowd was tiny. We went through our program of dance and puppets and drama and then spread out to share with the few we could. Nothing really seemed to come of it but it was still an opportunity to talk with the Nepali people. After a couple of hours we decided to try again in another part of the village instead of just leaving. We did a shortened version of the program near the entrance of the village gates. Just enough to attract their attention. Then we once again reached out to the villagers. My group was blessed with one of the three translators. We ended up finding a Christian woman and we were invited to her house for tea. With permission of the team leaders and the company of the translator we walked the short distance to her home. It was tiny. Literally. I couldn't stand up in it. We drank water and even ate the food she placed in front of us. We are now all praying that we don't get sick, but even if I do, it was worth it. To spend 20 minutes in her life. Before we left we asked if we could pray for her and her family. She got very quiet, looked around her small business ( a two table restaraunt) and ushered us into the back room. We sat at one table and prayed in English and them at another in Nepali. Normally we would have prayed together and with the translator. But afterwards she explained to us that if her neighbors knew she was Christian she would lose all of her customers. It suprised me. The sacrifice that Christianity means to those living in a Hindu nation. I'll be praying for her and her village. God is starting to do amazing things in Nepal. But the Nepali people have an extra dose of faith I hope to learn from in the next two weeks.

Nepal

2008-07-10T05:04:00.000-07:00

I don't even know wher to start. The smells, the sights, the heat, the people, the city lights at night, the temples, the prayer, the excitement. It has been overwhelming. I love the Nepali people and way of life. Just this afternoon I walked into a home of one of the girls we met on the streets of Kathmandu. Her house was on the third floor of a rickety building missing stairs and walls. Her home was smaller than my dorm room will be and five people live in it, cook in it, and clean in it. It made my heart break for the milionth time this week. Today we also went to a home for girls that have been rescued from the sex trade down into India. The home had 20 girls, some of them as young as 12. We sang songs and tried to communicate as well we could in our own native tongue. I can't imagine what they have already experienced at such a young age but how they still manage to find joy. All of these girls have been exposed to HIV and some of them even suffer from it, but the home is devoted to educating them and getting them back on their feet. The last week has been a blur. I can't even begin to explain how much this has changed me. My favorite thing to do is tell others about Christ and what he has done for me and them. Every day for the last week I've been able to share with many women in the outerlying villages of Kathmandu. Not all experiences were rewarding or encouraging to me. But that's not why I'm here. It's all about glorifying God and giving them the chance to accept his love and forgiveness. I'm ashamed to say that when I got here, sharing was the last thing I wanted to do. It's hard to walk up to someone, get to know them, and then just share what I believe with them. I came for the orphans, the poor, the lepers. And I've enjoyed loving on them through my actions. But I'm also learning to share my faith and it is so exciting. I may not see the harvest, but someone down the road will and can be encouraged by it. I have many stories but I have to run. Keep me in your prayers and all the people we have been able to talk with in the last week.

When you think no one is watching...

2008-06-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

This morning was perhaps one of the best I've had in quite some time. As much as I enjoy a bit of time to myself, the last few days being home alone have completely cured that need. After dropping Melissa off at school I was on my way home and became very carsick. I've been told you can't be carsick while driving, but apparently you can. Anyways, I stopped at a park to give myself a chance to undizzify. There was one other car in the parking lot, but after walking the loop, I appeared to be alone. I sat on a bridge over the creek for quite some time admiring the detail I could see thanks to my glasses. Up until the point that my bones ached from the cold I just sat there, avoiding the business taking place outside of my secluded bubble. Once I could take it no longer I finished my loop around the park. However, I couldn't just pass the baseball field. With a quick glance around I confirmed that I was still alone. Then, rejoicing over my American rights as a woman, I thankfully ran around the baseball diamond jumping exageratedly on each base. It was quite a display. I looked across the field with a contended look on my face....to be met by an amused look by my bystander. haha. oops. Whoever you were, I hope you are having a good day. And thank God I thought I was alone because that was just too much fun to pass up. I'm off to take a warm shower. :)

One week from tomorrow....

2008-06-05T21:59:00.001-07:00

With a box, a backpack, and a half a dozen hugs I'll be back on a plane. I can't wait. Three years later than I would have previously liked I am finally off to Nepal. I don't know what to expect. I don't even know if I am going to be hot or cold there, but I know it's an experience I can't wait to start. Oops, I lied. I know to expect one thing. The language is quite difficult. I was hoping to make a small dent in it before I got there. It's not that I need to learn it. We have translators and all that jazz. But, why not learn another? Well here's a good reason....This supposedly means I love you:

ma timilai maya garchu

try saying that 5 times fast without a smile. :)

How to close a book....

2008-05-27T22:24:00.000-07:00

I've put off writing this post for some time now. Somewhat from a lack of time, and mostly from a lack of words. My last two weeks in the Dominican Republic went so quickly that I never managed to journal or post blogs. And now, I have somehow passed another two weeks back at home. It all seems somewhat of a blur. It is still hard to look at pictures of my kids. I feel like I am grieving, I miss them all so much.
For those of you who have experienced return culture shock, maybe you can understand. And for those who haven't, well, you are blessed. I expected to receive some level of culture shock when entering another culture. The food is strange, they dress different, they talk different, they even drive different. I suppose once I had fully adapted to the Dominican however, America became a foreign culture. Strange, I know. But now the people seem to walk so fast, the schedules are so full, the food so strong and rich...I am afraid my list goes on. They tell me that eventually I will feel back at home here. But for now, every big house, every full refrigerator, every supermarket, every radio station, every bright light, and every conversation reminds me that I am back in America. Which isn't a bad thing except that more than half of the people I love live in a third world country very far from me.
However, before I become to distracted on this tangent of culture and how shocking it is, a brief closure of my last nine months. First of all, I find it interesting to remember my expectations when I arrived compared with the end results.

Expectation: Teach 1st through 8th grade English
Result: Teach 5th through 8th grade and Juniors and Seniors English, Teach 5 piano students
Expectation: Live in a home with young children
Result: Live in a home with 15-25 year old girls

My 2 main expectations and they were both wrong. However, I love my students, and I am so glad I lived with my sisters. Sometimes God's results are way better than my expectations. A few of my expectations were met. They really did speak Spanish and I really did learn it after humorous mistakes and hours of practice. Most importantly, I really did learn a lot and my life will never be the same.

I realize that this post is all over the place. It's unorganized, maybe even frustratingly so. But it's where I am right now. In between phases. No longer in another country, but not quite back. My heart and my body have been temporarily disconnected. It's a painful process. On the flight back as Kayla and I sat by each other trying to accept that the hugs we had just given were goodbye, we made the following conclusion. Perhaps it is easier to never leave home. Never take risks. Never adapt to other cultures. Never fall in love with a people other than your own. We decided that was our fix. To get home and never ever leave again. It was just to painful to put everything we had into something that we eventually said goodbye to. Of course it's not a reasonable solution. Especially considering I plan to leave again in less than three weeks. I've learned that not only do the things worth having require hard work, but they may even end before you are ready.

I suppose these are the points I am getting to:
1. I made it. Through the year, and back home safely in the end. Thank you for your prayers and support!
2. My life will never be the same. People keep telling me that I am the same that I was 9 months ago. Perhaps I still walk the same, dress the same, and have most of the same friends. But what I have seen, experienced, and overcome cannot be erased. Hopefully some day people other than me will be able to see how this whole thing has changed me, but if not, I know and that's really all that matters.
3. I have to accept closure. Coming back in the end was planned and necessary. I have school to finish and in four years time, I can commit to as many years of mission experience as God has in store for me. However, closure doesn't have to mean forgetting. I never want to forget the strength of my students or their laughs, smiles, drawings, broken english, special music, dirty uniforms, frogs, dirty water, rice and beans, well, you know what I mean.

So that's it. After pages of journal smudged with dirty fingerprints and wet with humidity, I close. But not a book. Just a chapter...

Rats, Hopscotch, and Lyrics

2008-04-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

I live in the Dominican Republic. For you that may create a picture of some beautiful tropical island and cute children by my side. To me, that means that I live in a house with eighteen loud people yelling all the time in another language for no particular reason. When I arrived they tried to explain to me that they were merely talking and not upset. Now that I understand what they are saying and not just the tone, I realize that for the most part, that’s true. They are great people, just not real aware of noise volumes. However, Tuesday morning I woke up to more chaos than normal. When I made it to the kitchen I found a bucket in front of the sink, the stove pulled out from the wall, and our dad sticking a broom behind the cabinets. The rats were back. The excitement didn’t die down until we had left for worship in the church. After school I heard rumors that one of the rats had been taken care of. I am assuming it was the one that used to visit our room at night because our things have stopped jumping off the shelves in the middle of the night. It’s somewhat of a relief considering I sleep on the floor.

Since the last time I wrote, the weather has really changed. Our supposed rainy season lasted for five days and then moved on. Thank goodness. During those five days we were stuck inside for hours hoping the sky would clear. Music lessons were cancelled, church and canchas postponed, and no one dared walk outside without an umbrella. I’ve heard various excuses of why ranging from pretty hair, to sicknesses you can get from the rain. I’m really not sure myself. I sat on the couch with the girls learning everything from their favorite color, to favorite food, to favorite country to visit. You can learn a lot about a person during a five day rainy spell. Now the rain is gone. Instead the air is thick and hot and we sit inside for the opposite reason. I’m afraid the grass will always be greener on the other side.

I’ve determined to start exercising. It’s always one of those notable goals I carry in the back of my head and only accomplish on the most boring of days. Ironically, I am writing this letter during the exercise slot in my day. :) However, for the most part, at least this last week, I have been much more successful. You may find it entertaining to know exactly what a successful cardiovascular workout amounts to. I am afraid that with the heat and especially the direct sunlight, I gave up running after 2 ½ weeks. Now, I turn on my iPod, put on my tennies and begin my multiple patterns of hop scotching across my tiled floor. It doesn’t sound like much but twenty minutes of tile jumping can really be a work out. You should try it. If you figure out any interesting patterns let me know. :)

I can’t believe that I barely have a month left here. In some ways it has been a really long year. I feel like I’ve known these people forever and lived here for half my life. But at the same time, there is no way that I am already nearing the end. I received a letter last week that I wrote to myself before I left almost a year ago. At the time that I wrote the letter, I had spoken random Spanish phrases with humorous grammar. I had decided to write myself in Spanish so that I could appreciate how much I improved in just 1 year. I couldn’t help but laugh as I read the phrases that had been so painfully hard to put together. It was a good reminder to realize where I had started. Even if I get after myself for stuttering every once in awhile in class, the fact that I can impromptu my lesson plan in another language is a huge improvement. Well, the tile jumping is calling my name and not much else has been happening here. But I hope everyone else is taking advantage of their last few weeks of the school year. I miss you all. In the chance that I don’t know you and you just happened to stumble across this page, I wish you the best as well. I’ll leave you all with these lyrics from one of my favorite songs. It’s a Brandon Moore song titled “Selfish Me.”

And I know that I can’t serve both you and me.
And I know a house divided cannot stand.
And it’s time to stop pretending I can do it on my own.
It’s time to give you everything I am.
So I’m laying down my life. Picking up your cross,
Taking all this gain and counting it as loss.
In a world of false I’m finding it so true.
Sometimes I’ve got to let go of me so I can hold onto you.

Pictures: My 8th grade class treasure hunt, Yessica during the family Olympics, All of my sisters, Me and Cessarina (9th grade).

A blustery bloggish sort of day

2008-04-01T17:45:00.000-07:00

So I’ve been warned that the rainy season is coming. I’m slightly confused because we already had storm season from august to November, rainy season from December to February, and apparently it’s back again. Well, March was nice while it lasted. :-) Oh well. The rain is kind of nice. It makes a cup of tea more enjoyable, drinking it hot doesn’t leave me feeling very well when it’s 90 degrees out. And I’ve missed cozying up in a sweatshirt. So, at least this first day of rainy season, I’m enjoying myself. The thunder is one of my new favorite sounds and lightning helps in the evenings when the power is out. :-) Otherwise, life has been pretty normal.

I tend to go through phases and I’ve been through the studying Spanish phase, the exercise phase, the journaling phase, the visiting phase, and recently I’ve found myself in a want-to-play-sports phase. Unfortunately that is not a feminine role here. Women can do pretty much whatever they want that the men do. They can drive their motorcycle through town -- with HIGH heels of course, and they can follow their career dreams. But sports, that’s just weird to them. The girls wouldn’t care to play anyways; in fact I recently learned that flying a kite as a girl makes me quite strange here. Who would have guessed? Anyways, this last week I showed up at the end of a baseball practice and finally convinced them to pitch a few at me promising them I wouldn’t be upset if they hit me with the ball. The look on their face when the bat I was holding actually connected with the ball was priceless. After an adequate number to convince them I wouldn’t embarrass them, they invited me to the game on Sunday. Yay. Who knows if I’ll get to play, but at least I finally have a chance.

I’ve also started to pick up basic French phrases from my roommate Nathalie. For a long time she has been trying to convince me to learn. It’s not that I don’t want to, but English and Spanish has been enough to keep me busy up until this point. But I agreed back in October that when I was fluent in Spanish at Spring break (haha..optimistic thinking) I would gladly learn her French as well. So Spring break has come and gone and now I willingly say funny words like "comment ca va." (how are you?).

Life has been good. My kids now tell me jokes and play on words in Spanish and I enjoy their company. The May 12 deadline seems so far away when I think of how I still miss my family. But knowing that the day I get on that plane I will most likely never live here again, it is coming up way to fast. We’ve finally established ourselves here. The shop at the end of the street knows that I either want a phone card, pear juice, chocolate, or muffin. The girls are my sisters, and the students, those are my kids. I can now zone out during a sermon and still catch most of the topic. I teach high school juniors and seniors as well as my 5th-8th graders and sometimes it’s weird to realize I’ve already and only been out of high school for 2 years all at the same time. I’m a high school teacher not a high school student. I’ve survived in the adult world for almost a year and I think it would be even easier in my original language as an actual adult instead of in this crazy middle role. It will be nice to go back to student life for awhile. And then eventually I’ll be pushed back into this adult craziness, but at least I got a test drive. Those are just a few thoughts I’ve been bouncing back and forth on this blustery melancholy day.

I’ll leave you with my dear Ciro’s joke from English class yesterday. It’s better in Spanish, but here you are enjoy.

I’ve been teaching: what time is it? It is..., etc. One of the terms in Spanish is media which is used for a half hour. So the following sentence: Son las diez y media means it is ten thirty. Many times while I am teaching I’ll use a word I remember from Spanish class just to find that they don’t use that word here. They’ll recognize it enough to correct me because of the context, but I have to learn the new word instead. As I was teaching time, I asked Ciro, "How do you say media in English?" I suppose at this point it is important for you to know that media here also means sock. So that funny little kid that he is said, "Well teacher I think you mean thirty, but here we don’t say media, we say zapato [shoe]." I apologized and repeated the question, "Ciro, how do you say zapato in English?" At that point the play on words caught up with me and we all had a good laugh. Oh well, I’m pretty sure that thanks to Ciro, we will never forget how to say “It is ten thirty” in English. :-)

God bless. Have a great day!

What will I do when...

2008-03-30T09:18:00.000-07:00

What will I do when…

I don’t have 18 sisters
I have to put up with florescent lights instead of candles
Water burns me because I forgot it had different temperature settings
An array of frogs, crickets, cows, and roosters don’t put me to sleep and wake me up each day
Nobody calls me teacher
I don’t have 60 kids to love
I have to keep up with the fast American pace when I really just want a siesta
Matching means more than just liking your clothes individually
I don’t have 6 chalkboards and all of the chalk stains that come along with that
I start dreaming in English again
Lightning bugs don’t make up for the cloudy days without stars
I don’t know everyone in my neighborhood, church, life
I don’t have a 5 year old to correct my grammar
I get lonely with all of the personal space
I can’t walk down the street to by a juice for 5 pesos
Nobody asks me: Teacher are there mountains in your country? How many meals do you eat? Do even the babies speak English?

What will my life be without…

Luis and his taped on mustache
Peter’s “I love you for you” with every hug
Spanish phrases with an English ‘please’ thrown in
All of the drawings for my fridge – that I don’t have
Somebody to climb the coconut tree for me
A kid always playing with my hair
A baseball game nearby to watch
Water fights resulting from laundry day
Children promising to be better if I just give back their recess
Kids begging for a test
A Spanish dictionary at my side
Victor’s crazy laugh
Spanish phone calls I can’t decipher
This family
This joy
This life

Who will I be when…

My time ends and a plane takes me back “home”
My decisions are mine to make
I’m not the missionary/teacher/white blonde American
I take all I’ve learned, all of these experiences and make something of them
All is said and done

Grading papers can be a lot of fun

2008-02-25T08:58:00.000-08:00

Today on a whim to teach these kids how to use a Spanish/English dictionary, I had class in the library with every dictionary available. The assignment was easy, really. All the kids needed to do was to use the newly learned phrases: "I like" and "I don’t like" and combine them with the words of food they were looking up. They were working in groups and eventually the kids were getting the hang of it. I was finally able to sit down and watch while my students learned on their own. What an amazing concept. At the end of class I collected the assignments and stuck them in my binder to correct later after the rest of my classes. Later in the afternoon, I pulled them out to evaluate how much they had really understood. Besides a few missing I’s, and misspelled words they had done pretty well. I had one kid get confused and he used a French dictionary instead of English. That was fun to grade. :)

However, my personal favorite came from an 8th grade student. Wilkin had been sitting across the library looking over at me with his side grin every once in a while. That should have made me suspicious but all I could do was laugh when I read over his sentences. My “A” student had the following list.

1. I like pineapples
2. I like carrots
3. I like bread
4. I like milk
5. I like rice
6. I like avocado
7. I like bananas
8. I like Juice
9. I like cheese
10. I like beans

1. I don’t like onions.
2. I don’t like water.
3. I don’t like yucca.
4. I don’t like grapes.
5. I don’t like papaya.
6. I don’t like pizza.
7. I don’t like sandwhiches.
8. I don’t like passion fruit.
9. I don’t like raisins.
10. I don’t like vegetables

I was impressed with this list. It’s one of those times that you like to think that it’s your amazing teaching that inspired such a perfect homework assignment. But I knew that after reading Wilkin’s following paper it was all coincidental. His looked like this:

1. This syrup cures the cough.
2. No player wants to impede the other from playing.
3. The boy is very hungry.
4. To climb the mountain is quite an achievement.
5. The flour for bread and cakes is made of wheat.
6. Raisins
7. Salad
8. Frut Juic
9. Frut Pie
10. It’s very dangerous to meet a wild boar in the woods.
11. Thank you I never smoke
12. He has an injury on his foot
13. Coffee
14. Mushrooms
15. Pineapple
16. Lemon
17. Carrots
18. Lettuce
19. Brocoli

The next time I saw my student I held up the paper and asked him if he understood his assignment. He smiled his crooked smile and responded, “I’m good and how are you?” Some days I can’t help but love teaching. This was one of those days.

The Contradictions of Who I Am and Want To Be

2008-02-20T08:56:00.000-08:00

A teacher and a student
An adult and a child
Living my life for tomorrow, while taking advantage of today
Learning to forgive and forget without forgetting what can make me a better person
Getting older everyday while becoming more like a kid
Not changing my unreachable goals, but letting them change me
Looking to the sky without sacrificing the impact I can make here on earth
Smart enough to know I don’t know everything
Dreaming and wide awake
Impatient about becoming patient
Listening better and losing hearing in one ear
Caring less about what I look like and more about how I come across
Striving for perfection in my life while accepting much less from others
More open minded, and more set in what I believe
More ready to give advice, and even more willing to accept it
More flexible in life, still further from being able to touch my toes
More aware of how much everything costs, while more willing to share
Accepting failures as second opportunities
And Losing my life to gain it

Thoughts

2008-01-26T09:00:00.000-08:00

Dirty, smelly, adorable children

Options for food: rice and beans and yucca

Miles of nothing

Inconceivable amounts of rain

Names I can’t pronounce

Inches of chalk dust

Candles

Angels watching over me

Naps, I love siesta

Roads without lines

Every day is full of surprises

Points = happy students = happy teacher

Udders

Bunk beds

Loving almost every minute of it

Internet signals are blessings

Croaking frogs

My Opinion of alarm clocks…and other parts of my day

2008-01-25T18:00:00.000-08:00

Today has been one of those days that I look back on and wonder what happened, how I made it through, and why it isn’t over yet. It’s only 3:30 in the afternoon and I’m sitting here staring at my soar hands, feeling my ear throb, and too tired to use all of the free time I have this afternoon. Today started like any normal day. Maybe a little slower because of the Benadryl in my system, but the worship song was as loud as ever. (Por la manana, o senor.) I am sure it is a great song. It’s in the Spanish hymnal if you feel so obliged -- #38. But like any alarm clock, the sound is not appreciated early in the morning. And beyond the beep of any classic alarm clock, I manage to spend most of my life with my alarm clock stuck in my head. I am sure I will miss the daily routine when I am gone, but for now I would love a clock with an off button and a sound that doesn’t camp in a corner of my brain all day. My day continued pretty normal: umbrellas, chalk dust patterns, ...

Ice cream shops have a lot to offer

2008-01-10T18:00:00.000-08:00

Ice cream shops have a lot to offer January 10, 2008

Welcome back! I am currently sitting in an ice cream shop sipping my jugo de pera (Pear juice) and charging my cell phone. Yes, charging my phone in a public place. I figure they have power so I’ll take advantage of it unless they tell me otherwise. :) Other than that, I am just sitting here with the sun on my back, sweet music in my ears, and people to watch. It sounds like good Friday afternoon activity to me. I don’t actually know how long I’ll be here. Our driver dropped us (Nathalie – a missionary from Martinique, Kayla, and I) off in Bonao and said he’d be back. That was two hours ago. :) That’s just a bit of island time though. I won’t be worried at least another hour.

After Christmas break, getting back on that plane to spend 22 hours in international travel was not exactly my idea of fun. The red eye flight, delays, security lockdowns, almost missed flights, and lost luggage did not improve the experience for me in the least. By the time I arrived back in the Dominican Republic I was already ready to get back on any plane back home. That first night I sat on my bed for a long time and I had to ask myself why I was here. There is something different about my mission experience than some. I am not building churches or evangelizing. I’m not even teaching children enough English to change their lives. Knowing why I am here is key to feeling worthwhile. So I just sat on my bed. Not sleeping, not crying, not able to read my Bible because it was who knows where with my luggage, and just begging God to spell out why I was back. Somewhere in the middle of my begging I must have fallen asleep because as normally happens, I woke up the next morning. But when I woke up I felt the strongest peace. I wanted to look on the wall to see just one child’s name written there by God to keep me here. But I no longer needed the reassurance. I don’t have to know for whom or exactly why I am here. The important part is that I am here and it fits. I realized that when I am at home in my comfort zone, I don’t constantly ask God if that is where I am supposed to be and why. It’s the same here. He has me here for a reason and I’ll leave it to him to work out the details. It’s his plan not mine.

Luckily my classes went more smoothly than I imagined possible for an entire week. The kids must have missed me or something. But I’m not complaining. I am sure before long the roll of the eyes and chaotic classroom habits will return, and I’m not going to think about that right now. For now I’ll just remember the hugs so tight, the smiles so big, and the Spanish so fast I can’t understand a single word. :)

Well, I’ve been in town for quite some time now and I should probably remind our driver we are here. Time to try out my Spanish skills on the phone. I’ll talk to you all later. It should be sooner than later because it’s one of my new year’s resolutions to blog more.

Micah 6:8

Ashley

A Christmas Catchup - December 21, 2007

2007-12-29T15:30:00.000-08:00

As I just typed today’s date above I had to stop and think about it, check a calendar and ask Kayla before I could believe that it is really almost Christmas. It definitely snuck up on me. Perhaps it’s the fact that I am still wearing shorts and enjoying the 80 degree weather. But even more than that, it must be the way that Christmas is celebrated here compared to home. The first week of November we brought out the extent of our decorations: A two foot fake tree with 6 gold globes and half a string of flashing red lights (half a string because about midway they just stop working.) It is quite the festive display set up on our front porch. As much as it makes me laugh I am sure I will miss it. It’s greeted me as I’ve walked home from school every day for the last two months.
It’s the last Friday before Christmas and our first day of break. If I was at home, I am sure that I would be out shopping somewhere making the last minute purchases before the stores closed for the holidays. Instead, I took advantage of the running water and sun/wind combination perfect for drying and declared it laundry day. By the time I get around to doing my laundry here, it is normally a big pile that consumes a large portion of my day. In the end I have a wet front from water splashed out of the sink and soar, red hands. For awhile there I was really effective. One sink for soak, another for soap, and then I’d rotate back to the first for rinse, and back to the second for wringing. It works pretty well and it is definitely the best use of my time. If you are ever considering washing your laundry by hand, give me a call. I think I’ve perfected the process and it might even be faster than using a machine. But then my whole concept of time is changing. Why rush through my laundry? Well actually I can think of some good reasons: before the water runs out or it starts raining and I have to hang dry my clothes indoors. However, laundry time is good thinking time, so I took the risk and slowed down. Here are some thoughts I’ve been bouncing back and forth just my life:

1. I haven’t blogged in way to long – Hopefully that will get better again
2. God is good – He protected us through Tropical Storm Noel and Tropical Storm Olga. I still don’t understand all of the bad that happens in the world and I’ve become a lot more aware of it as I see even the hurt that my close neighbors experience. But he still whispers in the storms.
3. I successfully learned the names of all 46 of my students by the end of the first semester. J haha…don’t worry, it was a little faster than that and they all have 2-3 names they rotate through so it’s harder than it sounds.
4. I can now argue in Spanish just as fast as my students, sometimes we are arguing about different things because I misunderstood the first phrase, but that always makes for a good laugh
5. Don’t become a missionary as a nursing student; their concept of germs here scares me. We have a “drinking fountain” in the office. It is actually just a jug of water and ONE cup that we all share without washing. I only used it once and then held my breath for a week waiting to get sick. Luckily I was spared. This week is the Chicken Pox outbreak. Apparently they didn’t know it was contagious. All of the kids still go to school and they continue to take part in the drinking fountain in the office. They all have horrible scabs because nobody told them they shouldn’t scratch them. Oops. I offer a band-aid and hug when I can and then pray germs are a myth.
6. The term “Student” Missionary is accurate – I am always learning something new: the language, the food, the cello, the concept of relying on God
7. Support systems are soo important. Thank you everyone who has taken the time to pray for me, send me something, or even just think of me. After four months the mail has started coming through and thank you Grandparents, the Bob Logan family, The Hensel Family, Amanda and Andrea, and Willy, and Laura, and of course my family. I read the letters over and over.

It’s not much, but it’s a little bit of my life. I continue to take it a day at a time, or sometimes even minutes at a time. But somehow I make it through, and not alone. This place is becoming home and when I look at pictures, I can’t help but think about how hard it will be to leave. I would be lying if I suggested that life here was comfortable and normal now. But I don’t think that I really want to live in my comfort zone and I wouldn’t take back what I have learned so far this year. I hope that at least one of my students gains half as much as I am from these months together. Thinking back on the child crying in my arms last night at the thought of me leaving in six months, I hope that perhaps I have made a difference. Sure she knows the 150 English words I’ve taught them, but I hope more than the words, she remembers that someone thinks she’s special; Even if that someone did take away her recess at least once every week.
I hope the Holiday season is going well for everyone. Try and slow down to take at least a couple breaths. Don’t let the materialism of the season distract you from the blessing of the break. I know I am lucky to be able to sit here listening to my Christmas music and sipping my sleepy time tea (thank you Willy!) knowing that there is nowhere to go. If you have to, pretend you are in the middle of the Dominican Republic and enjoy the peace, and the laughter of the children outside. And while you are there, read the Christmas story. It is a good one!
With love and Christmas blessings,
Ashley – Feliz Navidad

Enjoying the Simple Life - November 10, 2007

2007-12-29T15:27:00.000-08:00

I am just sitting here, thinking. It’s one of my latest hobbies. Partially because I live in the middle of nowhere, and partially because I discover a lot about myself when I have time to think things through. So here I am in my thinking spot – the far corner of our couch. Every once in a while a bug will crawl out from the cushions behind me. I know it’s true because I find the design of bites along my shirt line soon after. From here I can feel the draft through the permanently open windows. The falling rain is dancing in the puddles outside and the random bursts of thunder echo from the mountains to our concrete structures. It’s peaceful. Maybe boring is the more accurate adjective, but this week I’ve been choosing to enjoy the simple in life. This is what it allowed me to enjoy:

· I was able to wash my laundry by hand for two hours straight with water that was barely dripping from the faucet. Ya, it was pretty boring, but it allowed me to enjoy clean laundry. A definite improvement!
· I got to take a shower in the rain. I had given up on water coming from the bathroom faucet. So instead I took advantage of the rush of water from the sky to rinse the soap from my hair and arms. You can sing in the “shower” and the rain at the same time that way.
· I got to walk up and down isles of Christmas decorations in a store in Santo Domingo. J They were even playing Christmas music.
· I saw a rainbow and shooting star in the same day. Both reminded me of a creative creator.
· I had three cubes of pinapple with my dinner last night and a slice of cucumber with my lunch today. It may not be much, but after the warning of no fruits or vegetables for two months after the storm, I’ll take what I can get.
· I had my most obnoxious student come up to me, give me an excited hug, and then show me a test with a good score written across the top. I couldn’t have been happier for him, and it was fun that he thought to show me.
· I walked into a classroom with my hair a mess, and my outfit poorly matched. But my students looked up and said, wow teacher, you are beautiful. I don’t know if I enjoyed the compliment or the phrase in English more.
Of course I had my trying moments as well. They are unavoidable in a different language with difficult students. But being able to find the small things to make me happy is a fun treasure hunt with great results. J

Never Under Estimate the Power of Water

2007-11-02T19:07:00.000-07:00

I actually found the internet working so I figured I would write some quick jumbled thoughts. Most of which center around the topic of water.

First water topic - I am really thirsty! I have a quarter liter left in my water bottle so you would think I would quench my thirst. However, we have been without running water for about 3 days. That means that when you turn the faucet, there's nothing there. We had some water stored in the freezer, but today when I opened it, there was no more left. We all knew it was coming. We rationed pretty well considering. 10 liters of water for 16 people for 3 days. I just hope it comes back fast.

Second water topic - showers. It had been way to long. My hair was starting grow in every direction. I don't even want to talk about the unavoidable smell of humidity, mildew, and gross mud. But with a hose and bucket of water, I am now convincibaly cleanner. I love that one of my student's turned around in church tonight and told me - wow, you are clean. haha. awesome.

Third water topic - laundry. After kneeling in mud and then being drenched with water, all I could do with the dirty clothes was let them sit. Yes, in my room. Talk about a bad smell. I considered rinsing them with the water coming from the hose outside, but it was chunky and brown. Instead I put each clothing item in a bucket with half an inch of rationed rain water and imitated a spin cycle on a washer. Then added soap, and then repeated with more of the limited water. I am sure they are still very soapy, but at least the soap smells good...enough.

The storm is over and school has resumed. It was exciting to count the children the first day and find them all there. The storm was very distructive destroying four of the teachers homes completely. But somehow, they are still wearing smiles. Please keep us in your prayers. Before long, the lack of water will become a problem. Showers and brushing teeth and washing hands are nice, but drinking water is mandatory.

Philippians 4 verses 11 - 13
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being contenet in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

The Storm Continues

2007-10-30T18:00:00.000-07:00

Last night I spent a lot of time trying to learn more about the storm. But the more I learned, the more afraid I became. The whole country is without power. That isn’t really a big deal for us. We are pretty used to it. However, now that means no water, no way to charge our phones, and no way to receive news if we need to evacuate. We are just here waiting for nature to take its course.

I asked Rosanna how often this happens. Every year? She kind of laughed and said, no, this is the first time. They get storms, but the rivers have never flash flooded. Then she went on to explain how we are in a valley with a mountain in front of us and then a river on both the left and right side. If they got enough rain, it is possible that those two rivers could meet in the middle, our orphanage. I hadn’t been afraid up until then. I assumed that this happened all the time and they knew what to do. But they were just as helpless as I was.

Right before we finally went to bed, the rain stopped. I could hear the obnoxiously loud frogs and crickets again. It had been 5 days and I welcomed them. I crossed my fingers that the storm was over and went to bed. The quiet lasted for almost two hours. Then the clouds somehow found more water in them and started up again. I woke up in the middle of the night shaking in fear. How high was the water outside? There is nowhere for the water to go anymore. The ground is definitely not soaking it up anymore.

I turned up my iPod and tried to drown out the rain as well as my thoughts. I couldn’t let myself think about all of the people without homes. How many people were swept away but are still alive? How many people are getting sick from drinking the river water? How many houses had re-flooded by now after all their hard work yesterday? How many children were huddled together on “high” objects watching the water rise? Are all of my students still alive? Nobody knows the answers to these questions but they ate at me all night. I couldn’t sleep. I just kept praying. Lord, stop the rain. You promised to never give the world another flood. This is their world, and it’s definitely flooding. Keep your promises. As I listened to the words on my iPod, I found them oddly fitting.

Praise You in this Storm – Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Finally around five in the morning I found peace and drifted off to sleep; But not without listening to the song a dozen times. Now I am awake once again listening to the sound of the rain. I used to enjoy the sound. It reminded me of home and fall and leaves and sweaters and friends. That pretty image is no more. Now I see the pain in the eyes of the homeless. I imagine the sound of the rushing rivers and I hug myself in fear. Waiting, hoping, and praying. It’s amazing how Sunday night I feel asleep and my largest worry was how my classes would play out the next day. However I woke up wondering if my classes would ever have as many students again.

Please keep me in your prayers. We are safe so far and I keep hoping it is almost over. Power has come back on and I think that means more water but I’m not sure exactly where that clean water would be coming from. Everyone inside the orphanage has been spared but there is a lot of pain just outside the gate. Within two blocks, the scene changes drastically. This is my neighborhood. These are my friends. Thank you for your prayers.

Tropical Storm Noel

2007-10-29T18:00:00.000-07:00

Dear God, help me to understand. You promised to never flood the whole world again. But to these people, this is their world. This is all they have.

I woke up throughout the night to hear the rain pounding outside. It was really fitful sleep because of the storm. At times the thunder shook so hard I felt myself jerk awake. At one point around three this morning I woke up to a ton of commotion outside my window. At first I thought it was time to get up, but when I noticed the time, I fell back asleep. However, later I woke up at seven to see a flooded front yard and I knew there wouldn’t be classes.

I wasn’t aware of the extent of the damage, only that the world was silent except from the continuous stream from the clouds. Later I learned that two houses inside of our orphanage had flooded during the night. The older boys' house as well as one of the kids’ houses. They had two feet of water inside and had evacuated to our house. Last night the two rivers near us also flash flooded and met in the middle in places. Many houses were completely swept away and 60 people have been declared killed. I hope that all of my students are okay.

After breakfast we walked just outside of the orphanage and I could already see the tragedy. We went to two houses that we helped clean out. There was still 2-3 inches of mud on all of the floors. All we had to work with were buckets and more muddy water to rinse with. I spent hours bent over and on my hands and knees picking up mud with my bare hands and putting it in buckets. The stench kept turning my stomach and sending it half way up my esophagus. It was all I could do to keep it down. I could hear the pigs just feet from the house and I knew the water that know filled the homes had flowed right through their pens on its way downhill.

After we had collected most of the mud caked on the floors, we went to find water for rinsing the floor. We filled buckets from the river and brought it back to dump on the floors. However, the river water was brown like weak chocolate milk. I couldn’t believe that we were using mud to clean mud. It seemed worthless. Somehow though, we finally finished. The house was not large. Just one bedroom, an entry way/dining room/living room, and a kitchen/laundry room. As we brought back in their belongings to put their house together, I couldn’t believe how little they had. All I saw for food was two crabs, half a cup of juice, and an egg. They had all of their clothes (five people) stored in the washing machine. That’s maybe two outfits per person including what they had on their backs.

I felt helpless leaving knowing that it continues to rain. Two more inches and they’ll flood again. I wish that I had a picture but I know that I will never forget what it looked like. A concrete shack with a tin roof tied on. It looked no better than the chicken coops and pig pens.

At another house we helped scrub belongings in buckets of dirty water. Books lay scattered in mud with pages everywhere. The girl sat there holding her dictionary, slowing turning the pages, knowing that it could never be recovered. After we had done what we could to clean the homes, we delivered food to the houses that seemed to have suffered the worst damage. We knew the people at most of them. At one house, a mom sat in a chair with five pictures she had recovered sitting on her lap. She was carefully trying to dry them. At another house, two friends were embracing and crying. I couldn’t understand the words between sobs, but pain is a universal language.

By the time we made it back to the orphanage I was freezing. I had been standing in dripping clothes with rain running down my forehead for four hours. What I really wanted was a warm shower, and I could have definitely used some sweet smelling soap as well. Instead, I rinsed off in the rain, changed, and called it good.

Compared to the loss I saw this morning, we are really well off. But we still suffered from the storm. We haven’t had power for 24 hours straight. And there is no more clean water to pump. All we have is whatever currently sits in the tank on our roof. They are predicting more water Thursday but that’s three days away. So we are conserving water. No showers, no laundry, quick dish washing, and limited for cooking. It’s strange to realize that the reason we don’t have water is because of excess water outside. It’s so close but so far. It continues to rain. Our main road in the orphanage has washed away in places. I feel so disconnected from the world. My phone died and here is not internet. Here I am in the middle of a tropical storm and I’ll be the last person to know what’s going to happen.

"Praise be go the God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the Lord of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in a any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Nine Weeks Today

2007-10-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

I haven’t written in a long time. Well, that’s not completely true. I’ve written a couple times, but each time I stop mid-sentence and just stare off into space. Later I try and start over but there’s nothing. Basically, I am at a lack of words or even more accurately, emotion. After our weekend in Santo Domingo it was really tough to readjust to life here. It wasn’t like we had left the culture and then reentered, but it felt like I should be going home after a vacation. Instead I found myself back in the classroom. Last Monday and Tuesday it was all I could do just to keep from crying.

I still can’t decide what exactly it is about home that I miss so much. Of course I miss the people, the food, the schedule, the freedom, and the seasons. But there’s something else missing that I just can’t put my finger on. Anyways, I kept waiting for a day when I could easily write something encouraging and optimistic. And I keep waiting. So here I am, finally writing. Not because much has changed but just because I can’t help but be honest.

Life is hard. There are struggles anywhere you go. You can’t run away from them and you can’t find a place without them. But it is good to know that God is in all of those places as well. Kayla is always telling me that if Jesus could live on earth for 33 years, we can life here for 8 more months. I know it’s true. I am not in pain, I am not in danger. I have a house, some food, and Kayla. What more could a person want right?

But while I am being completely honest, it isn’t all bad either. In the last week I’ve also had some of my highlights. For instance, I had a fourth grader tell me, “The moment I saw you I knew in my heart we would be friends.” I also spent three hours in a library learning Spanish from one of my students. It was really cute. I had an apple for the first time in two months. In fact I even had a bite of apple pie. I also went to the beach with a group of kids my age. It was fun to interact with people older than my elementary school students.

All in all, life goes on. The blisters on my hands from hand washing my laundry fade, the confusion of the language barrier lessens, and the overall pain of missing home dulls. It all helps to remind me that this world is a temporary home. I don’t ever want to become too comfortable here. So for now, I continue through this different routine of life that I have found. It’s different. But I keep reminding myself that different isn’t always bad. But I do miss everyone terribly. I’d love to know how everyone is doing! I hope well. God Bless.

Acts 2:28 – “You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.”

The spoiled Experience Thus Far

2007-10-11T19:38:00.001-07:00

I have enjoyed so many experiences today that I haven't had in forever. I had icecream, swam in a pool, took a warm shower afterwards, never once lost electricity, went to a grocery store, and am now sitting on my bed using the internet. Each of these things are firsts in the last two months. I am not sure what to do with myself. I am so excited that I can't sleep. Well, part of that is probably largely related to the fact that I actually had ice cream twice today. It was so good the first time I just wanted to make sure it was really true. :) Tomorrow will be a full day of historic sights, shopping, exploring, and eating whatever we so please. It feels good to be spoiled every once in a while. I know that once this weekend is over I will head back to the orphanage and that will be okay too. I love the kids and leaving today, just for a weekend, made me realize how sad I will be to leave at the end of the year. But in the next few days, I am determined to realign my perspective, get some much needed sleep, and enjoy the great culture offered here. Well, off to some of that much needed sleep. As the tour book put it - "I have sumptious linens and a therapuetic bed." :) Wow.

Off on an Adventure - October 10

2007-10-11T18:52:00.001-07:00

I am counting down the hours, writing hundreds of lists, and scanning my tour books one last time. The excitement is nearly killing me. Tomorrow, Kayla and I are heading off on a weekend adventure in the capital. We decided that after a little over 7 weeks, it is time to treat ourselves to a little break. We can definitely use the sleep, change of scenery, and freedom we are hoping for in the next four days. A bit of leisure, shopping, beach, and sightseeing. I am sure we both have our own lists of what we hope to do while in Santo Domingo, but no matter what I actually get to see, it will be nice just to have a change of pace. I am ready to experience some of the culture outside of the gate. I know our street backwards and forwards. Outside my door and to the right is the dairy. Across the street sits house number 4. And then to the left extends the street that ends at the gate to the outside world. In between sits the church, school, and a variety of other homes holding the sweet children I have the pleasure of teaching every day. There are 12 potholes, 2 signs, and 3 side roads. (I don’t have an obsession with counting everything :)). It would be unfair of me to explain only the neighborhood inside the gate, because there is one other location that I have the ability of visiting when need be. That would be “la tienda.” We call it “the” store because that is exactly what it is. The one store situated outside within walking distance. However, after much thought of how to explain it, I am at a lack of words. The store is actually the first level of a person’s home. Something like a garage without the doors. A foot into the store is the counter at which you place your order. On the counter sits the bakery section – a package of rolls, half a package of cookies, and a few containers of random candies. To the right is the produce which right now consists of only plantains and maybe an apple or two. The left is my favorite. The drinks. They have Red pop, three types of juice, and some other options I haven’t yet explored. Hanging from the ceiling are random knick knacks – a baseball hat, dog chew toy, and more. I have been told they have flour and eggs if you ask. Add the smell of something unidentifiable, a fan squeaking over your head, a tv featuring the news in Spanish, and an overall dark appearance. Welcome to “la tienda.” Anyways, as much as I love visiting this hot spot, I am ready to expand my horizons, so tomorrow it is. After two hours of buses, taxis, and walking, I should be in the capital. Keep me in your prayers as I put my Spanish to the test. :) I can’t wait!

Imitation Requires and Original - October 9

2007-10-11T18:46:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I spent over an hour in my newest found position – a large instrument propped in my lap, with its base braced against the wall and my music leaned against the chalkboard. Add an aching forearm from hand washing my tennies and an itchy elbow from the combined sweat and bug bites and you have achieved the posture. It’s completely awkward and uncomfortable. The wall is too close causing my arm to brush against it if I bow correctly. That doesn’t even start to explain the pain in my ears from putting up with my lack of natural talent. About now you should be asking yourself why I willing subject myself to this torture. Why do I chose to sit in a dark, stuffy room with kids faces pressed up against the windows watching me humiliate myself every day? For one, it is teaching me humility. What a good reminder it is to be a student even now when I am a teacher as well. However, what really keeps me going is my new favorite playlist on my ipod titled – instrumental. As I fall asleep every night I push play and allow myself to pretend that somehow, someday, somewhere, that beautiful cello music will be coming from my strokes of the bow on my instrument. It takes a bit of imagination and once I am asleep the dreams help to improve the scenario, but it works. If I am not careful and I let myself lose my focus on the original – that amazing sweet melody coming from my earpiece, then there is no way that I can imitate it. I start to think that maybe this out-of-tune squeaking really is as good as it gets. But if I keep listening, I know that there is something better out there to look forward to. Perhaps a little cheesy, but it reminds me of my walk with God. If I let myself get busy and caught up in what I need to be accomplishing here, the focus shines too much on me and I can’t ever see success coming from my efforts. I see the student tearing up his homework I so badly want to give points for, I hear another student chiming in with “I’m not afraid of you,” and I feel the pain of another so desperately trying not to cry. I am helpless and lost. Nothing I try works, and I am at a loss for more ideas. But if I just keep telling myself to trust God and follow his example, the original shines more brightly. A photocopy is never crystal clear and my imitation can never be perfect. That’s obvious and somehow reassuring at the same time. God doesn’t expect me to be perfect. But he’s set the example and is always here to pick me up when I fall back down. Perhaps the more I imitate, the closer the original becomes.

Jumbled Thoughts

2007-10-07T12:51:00.000-07:00

As the days continue to roll by, less and less seems out of the ordinary or worth writing about. But I realize that part of this is just my adjustment to life here. Assuming that you still want to hear a bit about my experiences, here are a few jumbled thoughts of mine. Mostly my highlights of the week.

Last Sunday, Kayla and I went on a hike with the younger Pathfinder group. It was good for me to spend time with my students outside of the classroom. It is always a nice reminder that although these kids try my patience everyday, they are still great kids just looking for love in the only way they know how. It was also good exercise. I wasn’t expecting it to be quite so far. Here when they say, “Let’s go for a walk," it’s just a slow walk, so I assumed a hike would be a stroll through some pretty terrain. I was surprised to learn part way through the hike that the round trip distance would be twenty miles! That’s the equivalent of walking to Bonao, our nearest town. I still like to blame my soreness on this adventure.

I also love the end of church services. Not because the program is over, but because of the line of kids outside the church doors. At home, if I remember correctly, a handshake is about all you get. But here they exchange hugs and kisses with everyone. I am apologizing now in advance if I fall into this habit by the time I get home. It is likely.

I also received a proposal this last week. One of my fifth grade students, Luis, down on his knee and kissing my hand. It was pretty adorable. Can I please bring him home with me?

I continue to learn the cello. We now have two cellos on the campus which is exciting because I get more time to practice. Before it was an hour and a half a week which is just enough to recognize my need for more time. I will never judge a squeaky musician again. I completely understand.

I had my teacher evaluation this last Thursday. As I was just starting to teach, the director walked in and sat down. It was one of those days that I was planning on doing a review and my students were leading it with presentations. It was a risky idea because if I am not careful, these kids can get pretty excited and out of control. But I don’t mind if they are learning and I figured only I would know how it went. Not so. But it was an enjoyable class. Every once in a while I would look in her direction to see her response. It was fun to see her getting into the lesson and repeating the words after me.

Friday I also made it back into Bonao to run a few errands. My favorite purchase was my new cell phone. Picture a chalkboard erase covered in an attractive gold metallic cover. That’s my new phone. They looked at me funny when I chose that one. It wasn’t like there weren’t other options. But who can argue with the great $9 price tag they had given my phone. I was pretty excited!

That was my week. A little on the long side but one more down. I really do love these kids so that helps. John 3:30 – “He must become great; I must become less.” It may be a little out of context but this is my prayer for this next week. Less of me, and more of God. Amen.

Love Them Like Jesus

2007-10-06T18:00:00.000-07:00

The love of her life is drifting away, they are losing the fight for another day
The life that she’s known is falling apart, a fatherless home, a child’s broken heart
You are holding her hand, you are straining for words, you are trying to make sense of it all
She’s desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view, she is looking to you

Chorus
Just love her like Jesus, carry her to him, His yoke is easy, His burden is light
I Don’t need the answers to all of life's questions, Just know that he loves her, and stay by her side, Love her like Jesus, Love her like Jesus

The guests lie and wait in a room painted blue, little blessing from heaven, be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turns to gray, as a little one slips away
You are holding their hand, you are straining for words, you are trying to make sense of it all
They are desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view, they are looking to you

Chorus

All of our creation holds our lives in his hands
The rock of our salvation holds our lives in his hands
I Care for them because he cares for you

So love them like Jesus, Love them like Jesus
Don’t need the answeres to all of life questions - Just know that he loves them, stay by their side
Love them like Jesus, Love them like Jesus, Like Jesus, Love them like Jesus

This is an amazing song. I like to think that it explains what I am doing here – loving them like Jesus. This part in particular really stands out to me – “You are holding her hand, you are straining for words, you are trying to make sense of it all.” Everyday I understand the difficulty of straining for words. I wonder how I ever had a hard time knowing what to say in English. Now, I would love to be able to express myself and say something above second grade level. Well, actually I probably talk more like a four year old. Yesterday I was sitting in the library working on my classes and the high-schoolers were in there listening to a presentation. The teacher noticed me and asked if I spoke any Spanish. I replied with my same answer as always – “un poco.” He took that as a yes and began rattling off in rapid fire Dominican Spanish. Somehow I understood the question though. “What is friendship to you?” My answer? Friendship is when you can be with someone and you don’t need to talk. That sounded amazing to me. He just kind of smiled at me like, oh, that’s cute. But what would I give to sit in a room with someone and know that we didn’t need to say anything because talking is just overwhelming. By the time I have translated their question, put thought into my answer, and stuttered my way through my answer, I really hope that they don’t have any more questions. But somehow I continue to learn new words and put together more thoughts. Whoever told me that being fluent was possible in three months was either crazy or amazing. I am still hoping for 6 months. But either way my sign language and sound effects make up the difference now. I never would have imagined the words I would act out in front of my 8th grade students when I just couldn’t come up with the word in Spanish. But they seem to enjoy watching their teacher move around so much in order to explain a simple thought. In the end, it gets the point across and as long as they learn, I’ve succeeded.

For now – I play with their hair, hold their hands, strain for words, and try to make sense of everything. And for now, God gives me the strength to keep straining.

“I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.” Luke 10:21

Pictures

2007-10-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures that Ashley asked me to post. Enjoy!

Culture Shock Analysis

2007-09-29T18:00:00.000-07:00

If someone were to ask me about how I was doing in respect to culture shock, I’d say pretty good. I'm definitely not still in the honeymoon phase, because that lasted three days. I am also not at rock bottom. Although I know that I can’t honestly say that I have recovered either, it is bearable and unnoticeable most of the time. Every once in a while I'll do something and it's obviously culturally different because someone will tell me – in the Dominican, we do it this way. But I am comfortable here. I am still surprised by the great poverty outside of the orphanage gates, but I never want to become blind to need. So, thinking this over, I thought I was doing pretty well. But that's just the problem. I'm doing pretty well, by myself. When I was at rock bottom, of course I depended on God. The days felt like weeks long and I definitely didn't want to try and make it alone. It was common to read twenty chapters of my Bible a day. But right now, my Bible is just sitting on my shelf. Not always. I still carry it with me, but I managed to rearrange my priorities. I can justify it in my mind because for the most part, I'm pretty busy. And I am busy doing things for God right? But here I go again with the thin pages in my hands. Even if I think I can make it through this day, and then I'll get back to him tomorrow, I can't. To me, this was the biggest sign that I was recovering from culture shock. Not my ability to eat all of the food, or the fact that I can remove the cockroach from my toothbrush and still brush my teeth. The fact that I am not as lonely and out of place in this land, that I am able to forget to read my Bible. Everyday I wait for a letter to arrive, but here I have a whole book of them that have all the words I need to hear. I encourage everyone else to try it again too. I'm in Luke if you want to join me. :-)

Early Morning Rendition

2007-09-26T18:00:00.000-07:00

This morning I discovered my greatest weakness: beautiful music played by amazing boys. :-) At five 'o clock this morning I woke up to a boy playing his cello outside of my window. He played three or four really pretty songs and then ended with "Happy Birthday." Wow! I would love to wake up that way every day. The cello definitely beats the obnoxious pounding on my door that I have become accustomed to. And I have to admit that I love being serenaded early in the morning. It was a great start to my day. It didn’t prevent the often occurrences of misunderstandings in my classes, the common cheating on tests, and even the teeth marks one of my students left on my arm, but it reminded me to be happy.

My Birthday – 20!

2007-09-25T18:00:00.001-07:00

Today is one of those days in my life that I never want to forget. The smiles on the kids faces, the loud singing, their gifts and cards, and the thousands of pictures.

When I woke up this morning, I was excited. I curled my hair, wore a cute headband, and chose to be happy, regardless. It worked for a while. We even had my favorite breakfast: cream of wheat with cloves.

But by the time I had reached school, I was discouraged. I knew that although it was my birthday, it would be different. How is it that I always assume that different means bad?

I was missing my family and the pictures of them scattered throughout my Bible didn't help. I had to work hard to fight back tears during the teachers' meeting. A quick walk around the building and some hugs along the way cured me. I would just pretend that it wasn't my birthday and then the day wouldn't dissappoint me. And I played this game for almost an hour. I just eliminated all expectations.

I had my 6th grade class first and as I walked to the classroom I said a quick prayer. I couldn't handle a repeat of Thursday's class. When I got to the door it was locked, I knocked and heard the kids running around and whispering. After the class went quiet, the door opened. Inside sat the sweetest looking class all sitting with their hands folded on their desks. Before long they were all singing a loud rendition of "Happy Birthday." And then another song and another. They crowded around me holding me tight. Then they pulled out juice and a large pan of cornbread/cake. We sat and ate laughing and talking quickly in a foreign language. Thankfully I had thought to bring my camera and I now have hundreds of adorable pictures of my students. Even my most difficult student who loves to ignore me was not far behind the others. He wanted his fair share of pictures with me as well. By the time the excitement had died down, we just learned some birthday words and made cards. It was great. For once I had the perfect balance with my students. Teacher, but friend.

Then I had 5th grade and they were equally excited. They had many presents for me. Plastic roses and chocolate and stuffed animals. So sweet. Yessica made me a large bowl of Jello/gelatina which I ate with a smile. The random bugs were just decorations. :-)

It feels like the day should be over by now, but the fun just keeps going. Thanks to Kayla’s classes, I randomly get mobbed by lots of kids with cards.

It's been a different day. There hasn't been cake, but I’ve had homemade food from my students with extra love. No large presents, but instead hand-me-down toys that the kids gave up for me. No fancy Hallmark cards, but instead adorable construction paper cards in Spanglish. It seems pretty obvious that this birthday beats all the others. :-)

Happy twenty years to me!

First Day of Fall

2007-09-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

My favorite season is finally here! Well actually, it isn’t here in the Dominican Republic, but all of you are getting to experience it so I am happy for you. Here it is pretty sticky and hot day after day. I only remembered the date of the first day because I noticed it on my calendar. But nonetheless it was fun to daydream of what I would do if by some chance it was here as well. Here are my favorite fall activities. Feel free to borrow my list this season. I won’t be needing it.

Drink caramel apple cider
Wear a cute scarf
Spend the day at the park
Enjoy the crisp air
Have a bonfire
Study at a coffee shop
See old friends and talk about summer
Enjoy the colorful leaves
Read a book with a blanket
Start school
Bake a pie

There are many more but these are my favorites. Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying my favorite season. :)

Hugs and Tears

2007-09-22T18:00:00.000-07:00

I am not feeling so well right now. It’s not a result of the funny food I had for dinner, or the homesickness that I’ve become accustomed to. Tonight at “cancha” or games, I was reminded of why I am here. Two of my students and their younger sister were really fighting for my attention. They are new to the orphanage within the last two weeks. Anyways, they were getting to the point that I was slightly annoyed. I couldn’t hold them all at the same time and they were in no way wanting to share. Before long I had one of them crying in my arms. I didn’t know what I had to offer. My Spanish is hard enough to understand in the most perfect situation and in between sobs definitely doesn’t count. Somehow, we managed to come to a conclusion of what the problem was, and then I just wanted to cry. These children had visited their sick mother this morning and from what I could catch, there isn’t a lot more to be done. Obviously that is why they are now living at an orphanage, but it just doesn’t seem fair. I wiped away tears, rocked another, and sang a lullaby to the third. But how does one comfort children who will soon be without parents? As I walked them home tonight I felt so needed and so helpless all at the same time. As I leaned down to give a goodnight hug to Luis, he whispered to me, “I’ll dream of my mom and flowers tonight. Thank you.” How do they do it? Live through such pain and still recognize the good in the world?

Keep these little ones in your prayers. It will probably get harder before it gets better. It feels good to be needed because that is why I am here, but watching them in pain knowing that there is nothing I can do to take it away is hard to do. All I can do is pray and show that I care. So that is what I do.

Just a Few Pictures and a Thought Inbetween

2007-09-19T15:21:00.000-07:00

Life is going well. I continue to adjust to the customs of this foreign land. In fact I don't know that I can call it foreign for much longer. I crave the food - yuca is amazing, and I even drink hot chocolate when it is 75 degrees or more. I love my kids in my classroom regardless of their discipline issues and I look forward to each hug. The language learning is slow, but my sign language and sound effects are improving. God is good and I can't complain. Keep me in your prayers because each day has its challenges but I am thankful for each of those new days. God bless.

Romans 12:1-2 (Message)

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out."

Frogs Are Not Princes

2007-09-13T19:01:00.000-07:00

The week is finally almost over and I can’t wait. It is always an exciting moment when I leave my last class on Friday. Don’t get me wrong. I love the kids and I definitely give my share of hugs and kisses, but a classroom full of them is worthy of a survivor challenge. Anyways, in the few moments I have, a quick story.

Yesterday I had my first frog experience. For some reason, everyone here is deathly afraid of frogs. They refuse to be in the same room. Luckily for me, Kayla always saves the day and gracefully removes the frog from the vicinity. However, yesterday she was teaching class when a frog showed up in the library. I had a boy walk up to me shyly and ask me if I was afraid of frogs. Just a little background – I’d never touched one before in my life. But being the brave person I want to be, I said no. He proceeded to hold out a clock with a frog sitting on it. I took in a deep breath and proceeded to do all I knew how to move the frog toward the door. I took it a few steps before it jumped onto a new object. I picked it up and kept walking. I made it through about three objects and was pretty close to the door. Then it jumped on my leg. It was a little startling, but I was okay. Until it started jumping higher and higher on my leg to the point that it was in my skirt. Everyone was watching me because I was the crazy white girl that would touch frogs, so I couldn’t just lift up my skirt and get it. After a bit of a dance, the frog found its new home outside of the library, and I was a hero. I just hope Kayla’s there for me next time. :-)

Well, I have to go, but I hope everyone is doing well. I’ll keep you updated on any following frog adventures.

~Ashley~

New Posts!

2007-09-11T13:14:00.000-07:00

Brent here again... Ashley e-mailed me a few more posts and they're now up. (They're the three posts below this one.) I'm back-dating them to the date Ashley wrote them. For those of you who check infrequently, you won't know the difference. For those who check more often or use RSS, that's why you just now are seeing posts dated a few days ago.

It's been about six days since Ashley last had Internet access -- it felt like a very long time to me and that's even after talking to her on the phone.

Feel free to comment on this blog. Even though Ashley may not be able to read your comments daily, they will be there for her to read later.

Suzi and I are working on getting the correct mailing and shipping addresses. The mailing address we have right now is in Santa Domingo. Ashley had told us that mail could takes weeks or more. That didn't make sense when the US post office told us that the mail should arrive within about a week. It all became clear when Ashley reminded us that Santa Domingo is about 1.5 hours away and stated, "I don't think anyone's been there since I got here." D'oh!

Let me know if you want updates on addresses, etc. I'll be sending out those updates by e-mail.

-Brent

Feel Loved, Eat Beans!

2007-09-10T18:00:00.000-07:00

If you are wondering why you should feel loved, it's this: if I know you, and you know me, chances are I miss you. :) I hope you feel miserable for making me sad. Ha ha.

Anyways, yesterday I wrote about my culture shock "recovery." That was a wonderful thought, but it was slightly premature. For dinner tonight we had what looked like a thick hot chocolate. We'd had something similar previously and I was actually pretty excited. It was cold here in comparison to other days so a warm drink with chocolate as one of the ingredients was quite a deal. However, it didn't taste quite right. Half way through our drinks one of the girls asked us if we knew what it was. I really regret having asked. I soon found out that I was drinking something hot made of blended/boiled beans, powdered milk, water, sugar, and cloves. That would explain the thick texture of bean skins throughout the drink. Our sisters were impressed that we were drinking it and kept saying that we were African now instead of American, but I have to say that it was probably the most revolting thing I've eaten before. If you ever want to try it I could probably get you the recipe. ;)

Anyways, today was also a hard day in my 6th grade class. Mondays are always hard days because I teach four classes back to back and 6th grade was my third. I am embarrassed to even try and explain the complete chaos of my classroom, but try and understand that there was nothing I could do. The room looked like this: a girl and boy in a physical fight in one corner of the room; two more boys holding the door closed with a third locked outside; another boy refusing to attend class and swinging outside the window; not to mention the boy refusing to put back on his shirt. I had already taken away recess, two desks, and my Spanglish was not cutting it. I tried to take one boy to the principal's office but chasing him in circles outside was not improving my control of the class. I finally walked to the office alone and stood there looking completely defeated. One of the other teachers had a free period and was quick to help me. Thank God for Richard. He put back on the boy's shirt, re-situated the desks, retrieved my missing students, said some magic words, and class was back underway.

Now I just had to keep the class under control for the remaining 25 minutes. Easy right? My director randomly decided that it would be a good day to sit in on my class and evaluate my teaching style and progress with the students. Luckily, she arrived just as I had the class under control, but I don't know if I have ever felt so exhausted after a 30 minute class. It took all of my strength to walk out of the classroom. I'm already counting down my classes until the weekend. Just 12 more. I'll definitely need your prayers.

Unless by some fluke I change my mind, I know that I couldn't be a teacher for life. Ten days and I can only make it by counting down one day at a time. God help me. Give me the words. Saying "no mas" only works so many times. It would be great if I could talk to my students withouts spending minutes thinking of each sentence, and then still saying it wrong. But tomorrow is three weeks in a foreign land and I'm still alive. Perhaps a clothes size smaller from the small rations of food, but no new bug bites in a week and only 3 large spiders, 33 lizards, and 5 frogs.

Thank you God. Continue to keep us safe and relying on you. Amen

Ashley

More of My Life - Blessings and Challenges

2007-09-09T18:00:00.000-07:00

I just hung up with my family and it was one of those really difficult moments of my week. It's hard to know that when I say goodbye, the other line goes silent and that's it. I'd like to pick up the phone and call back, but in the end it wouldn't do me any good because I would just have to say goodbye again with an even larger phone bill.

My concept of money and importance has already changed in just the three weeks I've been here. Part of me saves my money even better than before. For example, I splurged today when I bought a 30 cent bottle of pop. However, I'd also spend more than I ever thought possible in order to talk to those that I love. Overall, I think it has been a good change. :)

I am trying to think of what else is new in my life, but for the most part living here has become a routine. I am hoping that means that the culture shock is taking its course and almost over. ;) It's unlikely but it would be nice.

I now crave such foods as papaya and yuca. They were on the top of my gag list when I got here. I also wore jeans all day today. I am afraid that means I have also adjusted to the temperatures considering it was probably 90 at some point today and we don't have air conditioning. I enjoy watching the different creatures that crawl in through the front windows and I even called the large lizard cute today. There are only a few bugs that I won't just squish with my bare hands and walking around barefoot in the dark doesn't worry me anymore. I consider a class that I am in control for 20% of the time a good class and even after a hard day I am more than willing to give my share of hugs to difficult kids. Waking up with a bed net plastered to my face is normal, and I no longer need a wake up call to be up by 5:30. I've really learned to appreciate candles and sometimes I prefer them to the bright lights. I don't know that I look forward to my cold showers, but I can't remember what a warm one felt like. I've now worked up the ability to sit on a solid wood bench for three hours without being in to much pain and sometimes I even get caught up in the sermon. Does that mean I actually understand some of the gibberish?

Either way, I'd have to say that things are looking up. A speed bump here or there is really just a large cockroach and I always have my Bible and your prayers. Thank you so much for all of the support. For anyone that would like to join in, Kayla and I pray at 10 AM and 9 PM together so if you all want to pray at the same time that’s 7 AM and 6 PM Pacific time. We thought it could be kind of fun.

I hope everyone is doing well. Hopefully someday the internet will come back from it's vacation (that's what they call it) and I'll be able to better communicate. But I'd still love to here from you. Any reminder of home still makes my day. God bless.

Ashley - 16 days till my birthday, not that I’m counting or anything ;)

Random Moments in My Life

2007-09-07T18:00:00.000-07:00

I've been at a loss for words the last few days. Most obviously because I don't speak Spanish near well enough to say anything profound. Then secondly, because when I do speak in English, I am busy trying to figure out how I can translate it into Spanish. Between both of these problems, I’ve managed to become a really good listener. In fact, I really like it when people repeat every thought three or four times. :-) Anyways, I apologize if this entry is poorly put together and contains many grammatical errors, because it's likely, but my life is just that way right now. But anyhow, some random moments in my week:

I know that I’ve been here too long when I step on a rather large cockroach while teaching, and my train of thought is – "Would it be distracting to move it outside?" and then I decide to continue to teach around it because so far the students haven’t noticed its hissing and flying stunts.

I know that I am hungry when I get excited about a sandwich for dinner. Now you need to understand that this sandwich was made of bread and mayonnaise. We added the mayo for some extra needed calories.

I got to sleep in this morning! A whole extra hour and some. 6:40 AM.

I started taking cello lessons this week. I always thought a string instrument would be pretty challenging, so I’m not quite sure what I was thinking when I signed up with my Spanish speaking teacher. At least now I can debate which is worse: my cello playing or my Spanish pronunciation.

The internet really is temperamental here. So far it doesn't work if: it's cloudy (90% of the time), if it's in the afternoon (apparently it takes a siesta too), if it has rained much in the last few days, or if the electricity is being difficult (at least 25% of the time). It makes it hard to predict when it will actually work, but the safest guess is that it won't. The last time I tried, my first page loaded at 30 minutes. I am really working on the whole patience thing.

I've started studying out of a Spanish textbook. If I read it for two hours a day, I should finish two years of Spanish by Christmas. They are convinced I'll be fluent by then. I sure hope so. I really don't enjoy my new form of sign language – a smile for when I don’t understand, and a laugh for when I zoned out after the long word.

I successfully finished my second week of school and I have more unbelievable stories about my students than I expected in a whole year. Most of the time it takes me awhile to take it all in because I am just standing there thinking, is this really happening? For example – I accidentally kicked a boy hiding under my desk this week. Oops. The boy that I thought was getting his paper out, was actually sleeping with his head in his backpack. I have another boy that pretends to die every day hoping I will send him home sick. Then there is always the group of students that finds it funny to switch seats so that it is nearly impossible to learn their names. Apparently fist fights are common occurrences during the middle of class, and the Spanish vocab I am learning is very classroom specific. "Sit down, listen to me, no more, look here, quiet." All very important words.

I never appreciated my washing machine enough before. My wrists are still sore from trying to wring out my jeans after hand washing them. The soap alone does wonderful things to my hands, but it's the scrubbing and drying that's really exciting. For some reason, watching the missionaries do their laundry is pretty entertaining here. It might have something to do with the fact that we end up pretty soaked and laughing at everything. There must be less oxygen during such activities.

That pretty much sums up my week. Long, adventurous, and full of surprises. I am more than ready for the weekend. I've been reading my Bible lots trying to stay sane and I really loved Psalms 139:7-10.

"Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

I'd love to hear how everyone is doing. I miss you all and waking up with a bed net stuck to my face is a constant reminder that I’m not at home. Keep me in your prayers. Feliz Semana – Happy Week.

Teacher Ashley

Why am I here?

2007-09-04T10:09:00.004-07:00

The other day when I was talking to Melissa, she asked me why I was even here? At the time I couldn’t answer. I had to be honest and say I didn’t know. That was really discomforting. Only a week into my year and I had already lost my focus and purpose. Of course there are my selfish reasons of wanting to learn Spanish and hoping to make a difference along the way, but that’s not good enough. I’ve been rolling it around in my head since, and I finally feel peace again. I’m not here to start a church, heal a thousand ailments, or perfect the system of this orphanage called home. Perhaps I am here to do something even more important if that’s possible.

I’m here to:

Accept the flowers from a little girl with a smile even when they make me sneeze
To play the hokey-pokey with a group of highschool students
Receive a hug around my knees from a hurting little boy
Translate letters of hope and encouragement from sponsers
Hold the hand of a child I have yet to learn the name of
Listen to a complete conversation in jibberish and to still understand in my heart
Know when to laugh, when to cry, and when to do both at the same time
Live as an orphan and understand the pain, hunger, and lonliness of such a life
Teach the 5 students out of 45 that actually want to learn
And to love the others with an unexplainable love
Appreciate what I had knowing that I can’t ever live that way again
Accept the ways of the people without judgement
Recognize my failures without limiting myself
Realize that I have a new lesson to learn every day to come!

On the surface I may be here to teach English to 5th through 8th grade in the mornings, music in the afternoons, and English to the adults in the evening. But the surface is deceiving. When I look deeper the small details add color to the picture that I wouldn’t want to live without.

Dear God, help me to aim for the full picture, but to take the time to focus on the details as well. As long as you can see the whole picture, I need not worry about tomorrow. What a relief. I remind myself hourly. Thank you for your acceptance in my failures. Thank you for picking me up again. Help me to never lose this dependence on you. Amen.

Matthew 10:42 – “And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward."

My Life as a Missionary

2007-09-04T10:04:00.000-07:00

A chalk streak across my skirt, And wet hair still clinging to my neck
One child hugging me, And Another trying my patience
A cow outside my window, And a dog up on my roof
A Spanish/English dictionary in one hand, And a Bible in the other
A candle as my light source, And a mosquito net for protection
A wake up call at 5:30, And a “Buenas Noches” in the end
A laugh for when I understand, And a smile for when I don’t
A mashed, boiled banana for breakfast, And another with yuca for dinner
A flying cockroach to wake me up, And a lightning bug to put me to sleep
A list of memories from my past, And a list of dreams for my future
The blessing of today, And the hope for another tomorrow

My Dental Floss Diaries

2007-09-04T09:51:00.002-07:00

Who could have known that my last minute purchase of dental floss would be so useful during my year away. Looking around my room I kind of like the additions it has created. First and most importantly, is the bug net hanging from my ceiling. The night I arrived, we were exhausted and it was late. However, after seeing the large spider we were anxious to hang my bed net. We were content to simply rotate the bed under the window and string the net up to an old, bent curtain rod. It only took seven times of this rod falling onto our heads with a smothering bed net before we decided we needed a change. We felt like we were on a survivor show as we searched our room for a better option. Of course we tried the obvious option of nailing it to the ceiling like suggested on the bag, however a solid concrete surface is pretty hard to work with. This being the only suggestion on the bag, we were left to figure it out on our own. We made a list of anything that could possibly be of use to us. Our options really were limited and the dental floss won. We excitedly drew a design plan on our little white board and set to work. We knew that we wanted to hang it from some combination of triangles. Luckily, there were three objects already in the room that we could attach the floss to: a rusty, old nail, a fuse box that has caught on fire at least once, and our ceiling light not completely secured to the ceiling. With these three points, three hours, and tripled up lines of dental floss, we now sleep without wondering when the net will next suffocate us. I can’t explain the 33 bug bites on my legs, but we sure are proud of our success. :)

A new perspective

2007-08-30T18:23:00.000-07:00

God. Wow. Today I feel so much better. It could possibly be the nap I had this afternoon, or maybe my ability to use the internet and connect with the world. And - THERE WERE STARS TONIGHT. We had worship out under them and it was so amazing. Nothing compares to shooting stars in the sky and lightning bugs down below. The occasional bright lightning was also impresive. The lights went out tonight just as we sat down to eat. But I realized something - I'm not afraid of the dark anymore. I was able to walk into my room, reach around in my bug infested room, grab my flashlight, and return to the kitchen. I even ate my boiled bananas and yuca without being able to see it. Is it possible it actually tasted good? I know that it is an important step in recovering from culture shock, but I never saw myself wanting more boiled bananas. God, I know you are here helping me. Through you, I can do this. But only with you. My classes and difficult and the children tiring, but I am renewed. Tomorrow I may wake up discouraged again, but help me to remember today. Thank you God for a renewed perspective.

Joshua 1:9
John 3:27-30

Blogsitting

2007-08-30T16:29:00.000-07:00

Ashley's Internet access in the Dominican Republic isn't very good so she's asked me to help with her blog. She's writing posts offline and e-mailing them to me when she has a chance. I'll post them under the dates she gives me. So far, I've just posted using her login (though this post is under mine). I trust that won't be confusing.

I think it's going to work just fine. In fact, that's how the last four posts got posted. I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I did when putting them up.

Take care and please keep Ashley and Kayla in your prayers.

EL Primero dia de Escuela

2007-08-27T18:00:00.000-07:00

My first day of school began much earlier than I would have liked. The wake up call, someone knocking on my door, happened at 5:30 am. Although I have pretty much adjusted to the time change, it still felt like 2:30 in the morning. After the wake up call, they give us 5 minutes to roll out of bed and make it to the kitchen. It sounds like a long time but early in the morning, it is a long walk - 5 feet. :-) We had a family worship until 6:00 when Kayla and I agreed to do the family jog. We thought it would wake us up and give us a chance to get outside of the orphanage to see the surrounding area. It was a good idea. The air is definitely thick here, though. Apparently the water here turns off as well as the electricity. When we got back to the house, they had draped a hose through the window into the bathroom. That was my shower. VERY CHILLY! It helped the process of getting 18 people through one shower in the morning, though. I wasn’t feeling very well by the time I got to school. The combination of nerves and breakfast (hot pudding with salty, stale bread) didn’t help. That all changed as soon as I saw the children. It was like a hug line at camp. Before I knew it, I had multiple children hugging me and speaking excitedly in Español. Later when we went into the assembly in the church, my new little friend “Estefanie” sat as close to me as possible and by the end she was holding my hand. Tomorrow I have my first classes. I am still worried about how easy the children will understand me in Spanglish. It should be an exciting day filled with name tags, games, and a few rules. Keep me in your prayers. Who ever knew a bunch of elementary school students could be so intimidating. :-) For the remainder of today, I am busy trying to distract myself from my fears. The girls are helping some. One of the girls had me practice my reading out loud in Español which meant reading half of Esther in one sitting. I have also started collecting pictures with the girls and making friends. Not bad for only a week. Maybe I can do this.

Homesickness

2007-08-26T18:01:00.000-07:00

Joshua 1:9 – “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Philippians 4:3 – “Yes…help these women who have contended a my side in the cause of the gospel.”

Today was a difficult day for me. Although all of the days have been draining after hours of trying to understand Spanish, today homesickness really set in. Missing everyone is hard especially when my phone doesn’t work, internet requires both electricity and sunny skies, and letters take months once they have gone both ways. I was trying to distract myself by doing my sisters’ morning jobs. They kept telling me that I didn’t need to and I don’t think they realized I understood them because I just kept going. But eventually, I just needed to cry. I retreated to my room and held a picture of my family and my stuffed elephant – “Ellie.” At about that time, one of my sisters let herself into my room and gave me a hug. She opened up my Bible and found these verses for me. It was just what I needed. Thank you, God. Thank you for Nicole. I know I have a long year ahead of me, but it is nice to have little blessings along the way.

Too Poor for Lunch

2007-08-26T18:00:00.000-07:00

After going into town this last Friday, I realized how well off we are at the orphanage compared to the sourrounding areas. However, the orphanage is still very poor in American standards. Today when lunch rolled around, there was no food. We asked if this was common and the replied that they didn’t eat lunch on Sunday. When I asked why they said that they never had enough food. They had to wait for their groceries to be delivered before they could make something some to carry them through until dinner. When the groceries arrived I was surprised again. There are 18 of us living in our house and the groceries looked like what my family of 6 would buy for a weekend. They are very careful about rationing so that the food lasts. We don’t starve by any means, but luxury is nonexistent. You eat when you are very hungry, not when you are bored or in a snacky mood. It is a very different world here. We really do depend on God to provide. Even living here it is hard to fully understand their way of life because this is all they know. Maybe that isn’t so bad though. I would never choose for anyone to be poor, but these people rely on God. If I can learn to like their food, than maybe their faith can rub off on me as well. This is my prayer, God.

Day 3 in a Foreign Land

2007-08-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

These last three days have been possibly the longest in my life. Partly because I have done so much in those days that it seems impossible, and then mostly because a four-hour meeting solely in Spanish is never-ending. I’m not complaining, more just shocked. That thing called culture shock is real. No amount of reading about the Dominican Republic or overcoming my fear of bugs could have prepared me. Now the strangest things that are familiar remind me of home. Yesterday Kayla and I decided that we like flies. At least we’ve seen them before. Here is a list of things I found different:

Breakfast this morning was mashed, boiled bananas with onion on top and a hot drink made of powdered milk. Bananas and Onions are eaten at every meal and they are always boiled. Everything for a meal is combined to be eaten together.

The shower is cold (actually amazing) but the shower head is opening about the size of a toothbrush and drips straight down. To make a shower more effective there is a large bowl in the bottom of the tub to catch the water and another cup to dump it over your head. The first bucket of water is always surprising in contrast with the temperature outside. By the end of the shower, the water in the bucket is pretty sudsy. I still haven’t figured out exactly how to get all of the soap out of my hair.

The bugs are different and everywhere. My first night when I arrived there was a spider the size of a tarantula right above our bed. Our “father” swept it off the wall with a broom and stomped on it repeatedly until he gave up and drug it out of room still partly alive. There are also cockroaches. Yesterday we emptied all of the cupboards in the kitchen so that we could smoke bomb the house. I did enjoy the fireflies flying around in our room the last two nights. I’ve always wanted to see one.

They don’t sleep very much. When we manage to escape at night for bed around 11, everyone is still socializing, and when we wake up in the morning, it is too loud singing around 6:30.

I don’t speak their language. My vocab is small, my grammar bad, and my pronunciation even worse. I am trying to soak everyone word in but they speak very fast and the accent is just different enough that I am getting good at smiling and nodding. For worship last night, my second day here, they had me pray in Spanish and read the worship out of the Bible. My prayer went something like this – “Father, Thank you for a good day. Keep us tonight. Help me to learn more Spanish. Thank you. Amen.” They just smile and tell me I’ll learn but it couldn’t be soon enough.

They are definitely on island time here. I rarely see watches and I haven’t found a clock. My teacher’s meeting was at 8 this morning, but people were still arriving at 8:15 and it hadn’t started.

They are always together and talking. It makes my silence even more obvious. Everyone is always participating as well. I’ve never heard such loud singing in a church. It would be very rude here not to be singing even if I can’t keep up with the words.

Lunch is a 3 hour affair.

Driving is very dangerous. I haven’t been brave enough to look at the speedometer when in the car, but on a road that would be 30 mph in the US, I think we are going 50. I will limit my trips into town, but keep me in your prayers.

Overall, I’ve had a successful last two days. I’ve managed to eat at all of the meals. I don’t find myself constantly scanning the walls for bugs. And I am prepared to make a fool of myself in my broken Spanglish. I am so thankful to have had 4 safe flights on the way here and to have arrived safely at the orphanage. Please keep me in your prayers but know that I am doing well. :-) God Bless

Sunsets are my Rainbows

2007-08-13T08:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening as I was driving through the country I made a realization. I love sunsets. This wasn't really a new discovery, but the beautiful sky was a wonderful reminder. Mt. hood was in the middle with the city lights all around it. Because of the earlier rain, the colors were reflecting in all of the clouds. I decided that a rainbow may have been what Noah needed, but God gave me a breathtaking sunset instead. I looked back into the sky because I couldn't get enough of it, and right then I noticed a triple rainbow stretched across the sky as far as I could see, entering the sunset on either side. I've been busy getting ready for my trip in a week and it was a nice reminder that God is still there and He's the reason I'm going. Instead of the rushed anxious feeling I've been carrying around with me all summer, it adjusted my focus and left me calm and relaxed. I still have purchases to make and things to arrange before I am truly ready to leave, but I am not as worried anymore. God's not shipping me off to a far away land to abandon me. He's never left me before, and he never changes. Perhaps rainbows and sunsets are the perfect combination. :)

Packing, Reflecting, and Still Counting Down

2007-08-11T11:48:00.000-07:00

As my date of departure continues to sneak up on me, I've begun the packing process. It is amazing how fast the bags reach their weight limit, not to mention the stretching zippers. Hopefully airport security chooses not to open my bags, but I wish them the best of luck in reclosing them. My shoes, shampoo, books, Bible, pictures, skirts, and spanish dictionary have each found their little niche and home for the next 10 months in my oversized luggage. :)
I am still looking for a few more devotional type books so I'd appreciate any favorites and suggestions. Otherwise, for the next 10 days I will continue to pack, reflect, and count down the days until my adventure. Thanks for your prayer and support. If you are curious as to how to get in contact with me in the next months, here are a few options:
1. My address - although a mystery to me at the moment, I will know it soon (if you feel ignored when there is a long pause between your letter and my response, know that it may be a 3 month process.)
2. Email - ashleyllogan [at] hotmail [dot] com
3. This blog

Although I'll be sharing my experiences with you as they come, I'd love a taste of home every once in a while too. Please don't leave me with a one sided converstation. Talk to you all soon.

Ashley

Count Down

2007-08-03T01:02:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it is already August. It feels like just yesterday I was sitting in the coffee shop studying for finals when Kayla mentioned SMing. It wasn't the first time I had thought about it, but within a couple of weeks I had filled out the stacks of paperwork and was ready to go. As with all trips, there were quite a few details to be worked out. Raising funds was a big one. Thank you to everyone that was a part of that. Your help was really a blessing. Now I am just finishing up the last few items and counting down the days. August 21st I will board the plane and begin an adventure filled 9 months. I can't wait and yet I know it will be here before I know it. Thank you for your prayers. I'll do my best to keep you along for the journey.

His Servant,
Ashley

Be Thou My Vision

2007-05-05T22:23:00.000-07:00

I just returned from the Student Missionary retreat. I don't know that I have ever experienced so many highs and lows so close together. One moment, I am anxious and excited to be there, and the next I wonder what I have gotten myself into and I just want to know that it will all be okay. How does one really prepare for 9 months in another culture speaking a foreign language? The anticipation is driving me crazy. Will the kids love me? Will they respect me as their teacher? Will I be effective in communicating with them through the language barrier? Will they learn from me? Will they see God in me? I have so many questions. But yet, I wouldn't have it any other way. At the same time I want to just pack my bags and get on the next plane out of the country. But for now, I wait. That is all I can do. I sit here brainstorming, waiting for a brilliant curriculum to enter my mind. One that couldn't fail me. One that offers me the perfect balance between strictness and mentor, tough and loving, teacher and yet friend. I know that God is leading me and He won't just leave me, but it would be nice if my lesson plans could fall from the sky. I guess all I can do is pray. This is my prayer:

Be Thou My Vision

Be thou my vision, oh Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou be my best thought, by day or by night
Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light

Be thou my wisdom, thou my true word
I ever with Thee, thou with me Lord;
Thou my great father, I thy true daughter*,
Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one

Be my vision, Oh Lord, Be thou my vision, Oh Lord
Be the one who lights the fire
Be the one who fills my eyes
Be my vision, Oh Lord

Riches I heed not, nor man's empy praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory be won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all

Be my vision, Oh Lord, Be thou my vision, Oh Lord
Be the one who lights this fire
Be the one who fills my eyes
Be my vision, Oh Lord

I would appreciate your prayers as well as any teaching suggestions. thanks so much. :)

Isaiah 61:1-3

2007-04-24T22:58:00.000-07:00

Tonight as I was reading through Isaiah, I found a few verses that really stood out to me. They seemed to describe my goal for next year.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on my,
because the Lord has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darknesss for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for thos who grieve in Zion
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
aplanting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

Life is Good!

2007-02-01T22:32:00.000-08:00

Life is good. That pretty much says it all. The simplest things can make such a difference. Such as the first clear sky in weeks. Anyone seen a good shooting star recently? or the full moon glowing outside my window? It's amazing. I couldn't help but lay flat on my back on a frozen sidewalk in order to take it all in. And there is nothing like bundling up to go skate on a frozen fountain out in the courtyard. :) If that's not good enough, top it off with a hot drink and fuzzy blanket. That is sure to make you smile. Basically, take advantage of the little things in life. It is easy to get distracted with deadlines and schedules, but if you must - schedule in spontoneity. :). It always makes me feel better.

Dominican Republic Orphanage

2007-01-22T21:16:00.000-08:00

I feel like I am already counting down the days until I leave for the Dominican. The funny thing is, the date isn't even decided. It's like counting down without knowing where to start. I can't wait. It's a little overwhelming but that doesn't even matter because it feels so right. Maybe reading about the orphanage would help you to understand my impatience to be there. Enjoy!

http://www.forhiskids.org/Proj_DominicanRepublic.html