The Storm Continues

Last night I spent a lot of time trying to learn more about the storm. But the more I learned, the more afraid I became. The whole country is without power. That isn’t really a big deal for us. We are pretty used to it. However, now that means no water, no way to charge our phones, and no way to receive news if we need to evacuate. We are just here waiting for nature to take its course.

I asked Rosanna how often this happens. Every year? She kind of laughed and said, no, this is the first time. They get storms, but the rivers have never flash flooded. Then she went on to explain how we are in a valley with a mountain in front of us and then a river on both the left and right side. If they got enough rain, it is possible that those two rivers could meet in the middle, our orphanage. I hadn’t been afraid up until then. I assumed that this happened all the time and they knew what to do. But they were just as helpless as I was.

Right before we finally went to bed, the rain stopped. I could hear the obnoxiously loud frogs and crickets again. It had been 5 days and I welcomed them. I crossed my fingers that the storm was over and went to bed. The quiet lasted for almost two hours. Then the clouds somehow found more water in them and started up again. I woke up in the middle of the night shaking in fear. How high was the water outside? There is nowhere for the water to go anymore. The ground is definitely not soaking it up anymore.

I turned up my iPod and tried to drown out the rain as well as my thoughts. I couldn’t let myself think about all of the people without homes. How many people were swept away but are still alive? How many people are getting sick from drinking the river water? How many houses had re-flooded by now after all their hard work yesterday? How many children were huddled together on “high” objects watching the water rise? Are all of my students still alive? Nobody knows the answers to these questions but they ate at me all night. I couldn’t sleep. I just kept praying. Lord, stop the rain. You promised to never give the world another flood. This is their world, and it’s definitely flooding. Keep your promises. As I listened to the words on my iPod, I found them oddly fitting.

Praise You in this Storm – Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Finally around five in the morning I found peace and drifted off to sleep; But not without listening to the song a dozen times. Now I am awake once again listening to the sound of the rain. I used to enjoy the sound. It reminded me of home and fall and leaves and sweaters and friends. That pretty image is no more. Now I see the pain in the eyes of the homeless. I imagine the sound of the rushing rivers and I hug myself in fear. Waiting, hoping, and praying. It’s amazing how Sunday night I feel asleep and my largest worry was how my classes would play out the next day. However I woke up wondering if my classes would ever have as many students again.

Please keep me in your prayers. We are safe so far and I keep hoping it is almost over. Power has come back on and I think that means more water but I’m not sure exactly where that clean water would be coming from. Everyone inside the orphanage has been spared but there is a lot of pain just outside the gate. Within two blocks, the scene changes drastically. This is my neighborhood. These are my friends. Thank you for your prayers.

Tropical Storm Noel

Dear God, help me to understand. You promised to never flood the whole world again. But to these people, this is their world. This is all they have.

I woke up throughout the night to hear the rain pounding outside. It was really fitful sleep because of the storm. At times the thunder shook so hard I felt myself jerk awake. At one point around three this morning I woke up to a ton of commotion outside my window. At first I thought it was time to get up, but when I noticed the time, I fell back asleep. However, later I woke up at seven to see a flooded front yard and I knew there wouldn’t be classes.

I wasn’t aware of the extent of the damage, only that the world was silent except from the continuous stream from the clouds. Later I learned that two houses inside of our orphanage had flooded during the night. The older boys' house as well as one of the kids’ houses. They had two feet of water inside and had evacuated to our house. Last night the two rivers near us also flash flooded and met in the middle in places. Many houses were completely swept away and 60 people have been declared killed. I hope that all of my students are okay.

After breakfast we walked just outside of the orphanage and I could already see the tragedy. We went to two houses that we helped clean out. There was still 2-3 inches of mud on all of the floors. All we had to work with were buckets and more muddy water to rinse with. I spent hours bent over and on my hands and knees picking up mud with my bare hands and putting it in buckets. The stench kept turning my stomach and sending it half way up my esophagus. It was all I could do to keep it down. I could hear the pigs just feet from the house and I knew the water that know filled the homes had flowed right through their pens on its way downhill.

After we had collected most of the mud caked on the floors, we went to find water for rinsing the floor. We filled buckets from the river and brought it back to dump on the floors. However, the river water was brown like weak chocolate milk. I couldn’t believe that we were using mud to clean mud. It seemed worthless. Somehow though, we finally finished. The house was not large. Just one bedroom, an entry way/dining room/living room, and a kitchen/laundry room. As we brought back in their belongings to put their house together, I couldn’t believe how little they had. All I saw for food was two crabs, half a cup of juice, and an egg. They had all of their clothes (five people) stored in the washing machine. That’s maybe two outfits per person including what they had on their backs.

I felt helpless leaving knowing that it continues to rain. Two more inches and they’ll flood again. I wish that I had a picture but I know that I will never forget what it looked like. A concrete shack with a tin roof tied on. It looked no better than the chicken coops and pig pens.

At another house we helped scrub belongings in buckets of dirty water. Books lay scattered in mud with pages everywhere. The girl sat there holding her dictionary, slowing turning the pages, knowing that it could never be recovered. After we had done what we could to clean the homes, we delivered food to the houses that seemed to have suffered the worst damage. We knew the people at most of them. At one house, a mom sat in a chair with five pictures she had recovered sitting on her lap. She was carefully trying to dry them. At another house, two friends were embracing and crying. I couldn’t understand the words between sobs, but pain is a universal language.

By the time we made it back to the orphanage I was freezing. I had been standing in dripping clothes with rain running down my forehead for four hours. What I really wanted was a warm shower, and I could have definitely used some sweet smelling soap as well. Instead, I rinsed off in the rain, changed, and called it good.

Compared to the loss I saw this morning, we are really well off. But we still suffered from the storm. We haven’t had power for 24 hours straight. And there is no more clean water to pump. All we have is whatever currently sits in the tank on our roof. They are predicting more water Thursday but that’s three days away. So we are conserving water. No showers, no laundry, quick dish washing, and limited for cooking. It’s strange to realize that the reason we don’t have water is because of excess water outside. It’s so close but so far. It continues to rain. Our main road in the orphanage has washed away in places. I feel so disconnected from the world. My phone died and here is not internet. Here I am in the middle of a tropical storm and I’ll be the last person to know what’s going to happen.

"Praise be go the God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the Lord of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in a any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Nine Weeks Today

I haven’t written in a long time. Well, that’s not completely true. I’ve written a couple times, but each time I stop mid-sentence and just stare off into space. Later I try and start over but there’s nothing. Basically, I am at a lack of words or even more accurately, emotion. After our weekend in Santo Domingo it was really tough to readjust to life here. It wasn’t like we had left the culture and then reentered, but it felt like I should be going home after a vacation. Instead I found myself back in the classroom. Last Monday and Tuesday it was all I could do just to keep from crying.

I still can’t decide what exactly it is about home that I miss so much. Of course I miss the people, the food, the schedule, the freedom, and the seasons. But there’s something else missing that I just can’t put my finger on. Anyways, I kept waiting for a day when I could easily write something encouraging and optimistic. And I keep waiting. So here I am, finally writing. Not because much has changed but just because I can’t help but be honest.

Life is hard. There are struggles anywhere you go. You can’t run away from them and you can’t find a place without them. But it is good to know that God is in all of those places as well. Kayla is always telling me that if Jesus could live on earth for 33 years, we can life here for 8 more months. I know it’s true. I am not in pain, I am not in danger. I have a house, some food, and Kayla. What more could a person want right?

But while I am being completely honest, it isn’t all bad either. In the last week I’ve also had some of my highlights. For instance, I had a fourth grader tell me, “The moment I saw you I knew in my heart we would be friends.” I also spent three hours in a library learning Spanish from one of my students. It was really cute. I had an apple for the first time in two months. In fact I even had a bite of apple pie. I also went to the beach with a group of kids my age. It was fun to interact with people older than my elementary school students.

All in all, life goes on. The blisters on my hands from hand washing my laundry fade, the confusion of the language barrier lessens, and the overall pain of missing home dulls. It all helps to remind me that this world is a temporary home. I don’t ever want to become too comfortable here. So for now, I continue through this different routine of life that I have found. It’s different. But I keep reminding myself that different isn’t always bad. But I do miss everyone terribly. I’d love to know how everyone is doing! I hope well. God Bless.

Acts 2:28 – “You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.”

The spoiled Experience Thus Far

I have enjoyed so many experiences today that I haven't had in forever. I had icecream, swam in a pool, took a warm shower afterwards, never once lost electricity, went to a grocery store, and am now sitting on my bed using the internet. Each of these things are firsts in the last two months. I am not sure what to do with myself. I am so excited that I can't sleep. Well, part of that is probably largely related to the fact that I actually had ice cream twice today. It was so good the first time I just wanted to make sure it was really true. :) Tomorrow will be a full day of historic sights, shopping, exploring, and eating whatever we so please. It feels good to be spoiled every once in a while. I know that once this weekend is over I will head back to the orphanage and that will be okay too. I love the kids and leaving today, just for a weekend, made me realize how sad I will be to leave at the end of the year. But in the next few days, I am determined to realign my perspective, get some much needed sleep, and enjoy the great culture offered here. Well, off to some of that much needed sleep. As the tour book put it - "I have sumptious linens and a therapuetic bed." :) Wow.

Off on an Adventure - October 10

I am counting down the hours, writing hundreds of lists, and scanning my tour books one last time. The excitement is nearly killing me. Tomorrow, Kayla and I are heading off on a weekend adventure in the capital. We decided that after a little over 7 weeks, it is time to treat ourselves to a little break. We can definitely use the sleep, change of scenery, and freedom we are hoping for in the next four days. A bit of leisure, shopping, beach, and sightseeing. I am sure we both have our own lists of what we hope to do while in Santo Domingo, but no matter what I actually get to see, it will be nice just to have a change of pace. I am ready to experience some of the culture outside of the gate. I know our street backwards and forwards. Outside my door and to the right is the dairy. Across the street sits house number 4. And then to the left extends the street that ends at the gate to the outside world. In between sits the church, school, and a variety of other homes holding the sweet children I have the pleasure of teaching every day. There are 12 potholes, 2 signs, and 3 side roads. (I don’t have an obsession with counting everything :)). It would be unfair of me to explain only the neighborhood inside the gate, because there is one other location that I have the ability of visiting when need be. That would be “la tienda.” We call it “the” store because that is exactly what it is. The one store situated outside within walking distance. However, after much thought of how to explain it, I am at a lack of words. The store is actually the first level of a person’s home. Something like a garage without the doors. A foot into the store is the counter at which you place your order. On the counter sits the bakery section – a package of rolls, half a package of cookies, and a few containers of random candies. To the right is the produce which right now consists of only plantains and maybe an apple or two. The left is my favorite. The drinks. They have Red pop, three types of juice, and some other options I haven’t yet explored. Hanging from the ceiling are random knick knacks – a baseball hat, dog chew toy, and more. I have been told they have flour and eggs if you ask. Add the smell of something unidentifiable, a fan squeaking over your head, a tv featuring the news in Spanish, and an overall dark appearance. Welcome to “la tienda.” Anyways, as much as I love visiting this hot spot, I am ready to expand my horizons, so tomorrow it is. After two hours of buses, taxis, and walking, I should be in the capital. Keep me in your prayers as I put my Spanish to the test. :) I can’t wait!

Imitation Requires and Original - October 9

This afternoon I spent over an hour in my newest found position – a large instrument propped in my lap, with its base braced against the wall and my music leaned against the chalkboard. Add an aching forearm from hand washing my tennies and an itchy elbow from the combined sweat and bug bites and you have achieved the posture. It’s completely awkward and uncomfortable. The wall is too close causing my arm to brush against it if I bow correctly. That doesn’t even start to explain the pain in my ears from putting up with my lack of natural talent. About now you should be asking yourself why I willing subject myself to this torture. Why do I chose to sit in a dark, stuffy room with kids faces pressed up against the windows watching me humiliate myself every day? For one, it is teaching me humility. What a good reminder it is to be a student even now when I am a teacher as well. However, what really keeps me going is my new favorite playlist on my ipod titled – instrumental. As I fall asleep every night I push play and allow myself to pretend that somehow, someday, somewhere, that beautiful cello music will be coming from my strokes of the bow on my instrument. It takes a bit of imagination and once I am asleep the dreams help to improve the scenario, but it works. If I am not careful and I let myself lose my focus on the original – that amazing sweet melody coming from my earpiece, then there is no way that I can imitate it. I start to think that maybe this out-of-tune squeaking really is as good as it gets. But if I keep listening, I know that there is something better out there to look forward to. Perhaps a little cheesy, but it reminds me of my walk with God. If I let myself get busy and caught up in what I need to be accomplishing here, the focus shines too much on me and I can’t ever see success coming from my efforts. I see the student tearing up his homework I so badly want to give points for, I hear another student chiming in with “I’m not afraid of you,” and I feel the pain of another so desperately trying not to cry. I am helpless and lost. Nothing I try works, and I am at a loss for more ideas. But if I just keep telling myself to trust God and follow his example, the original shines more brightly. A photocopy is never crystal clear and my imitation can never be perfect. That’s obvious and somehow reassuring at the same time. God doesn’t expect me to be perfect. But he’s set the example and is always here to pick me up when I fall back down. Perhaps the more I imitate, the closer the original becomes.

Jumbled Thoughts

As the days continue to roll by, less and less seems out of the ordinary or worth writing about. But I realize that part of this is just my adjustment to life here. Assuming that you still want to hear a bit about my experiences, here are a few jumbled thoughts of mine. Mostly my highlights of the week.

Last Sunday, Kayla and I went on a hike with the younger Pathfinder group. It was good for me to spend time with my students outside of the classroom. It is always a nice reminder that although these kids try my patience everyday, they are still great kids just looking for love in the only way they know how. It was also good exercise. I wasn’t expecting it to be quite so far. Here when they say, “Let’s go for a walk," it’s just a slow walk, so I assumed a hike would be a stroll through some pretty terrain. I was surprised to learn part way through the hike that the round trip distance would be twenty miles! That’s the equivalent of walking to Bonao, our nearest town. I still like to blame my soreness on this adventure.

I also love the end of church services. Not because the program is over, but because of the line of kids outside the church doors. At home, if I remember correctly, a handshake is about all you get. But here they exchange hugs and kisses with everyone. I am apologizing now in advance if I fall into this habit by the time I get home. It is likely.

I also received a proposal this last week. One of my fifth grade students, Luis, down on his knee and kissing my hand. It was pretty adorable. Can I please bring him home with me?

I continue to learn the cello. We now have two cellos on the campus which is exciting because I get more time to practice. Before it was an hour and a half a week which is just enough to recognize my need for more time. I will never judge a squeaky musician again. I completely understand.

I had my teacher evaluation this last Thursday. As I was just starting to teach, the director walked in and sat down. It was one of those days that I was planning on doing a review and my students were leading it with presentations. It was a risky idea because if I am not careful, these kids can get pretty excited and out of control. But I don’t mind if they are learning and I figured only I would know how it went. Not so. But it was an enjoyable class. Every once in a while I would look in her direction to see her response. It was fun to see her getting into the lesson and repeating the words after me.

Friday I also made it back into Bonao to run a few errands. My favorite purchase was my new cell phone. Picture a chalkboard erase covered in an attractive gold metallic cover. That’s my new phone. They looked at me funny when I chose that one. It wasn’t like there weren’t other options. But who can argue with the great $9 price tag they had given my phone. I was pretty excited!

That was my week. A little on the long side but one more down. I really do love these kids so that helps. John 3:30 – “He must become great; I must become less.” It may be a little out of context but this is my prayer for this next week. Less of me, and more of God. Amen.

Love Them Like Jesus

The love of her life is drifting away, they are losing the fight for another day
The life that she’s known is falling apart, a fatherless home, a child’s broken heart
You are holding her hand, you are straining for words, you are trying to make sense of it all
She’s desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view, she is looking to you

Chorus
Just love her like Jesus, carry her to him, His yoke is easy, His burden is light
I Don’t need the answers to all of life's questions, Just know that he loves her, and stay by her side, Love her like Jesus, Love her like Jesus

The guests lie and wait in a room painted blue, little blessing from heaven, be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turns to gray, as a little one slips away
You are holding their hand, you are straining for words, you are trying to make sense of it all
They are desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view, they are looking to you

Chorus

All of our creation holds our lives in his hands
The rock of our salvation holds our lives in his hands
I Care for them because he cares for you

So love them like Jesus, Love them like Jesus
Don’t need the answeres to all of life questions - Just know that he loves them, stay by their side
Love them like Jesus, Love them like Jesus, Like Jesus, Love them like Jesus

This is an amazing song. I like to think that it explains what I am doing here – loving them like Jesus. This part in particular really stands out to me – “You are holding her hand, you are straining for words, you are trying to make sense of it all.” Everyday I understand the difficulty of straining for words. I wonder how I ever had a hard time knowing what to say in English. Now, I would love to be able to express myself and say something above second grade level. Well, actually I probably talk more like a four year old. Yesterday I was sitting in the library working on my classes and the high-schoolers were in there listening to a presentation. The teacher noticed me and asked if I spoke any Spanish. I replied with my same answer as always – “un poco.” He took that as a yes and began rattling off in rapid fire Dominican Spanish. Somehow I understood the question though. “What is friendship to you?” My answer? Friendship is when you can be with someone and you don’t need to talk. That sounded amazing to me. He just kind of smiled at me like, oh, that’s cute. But what would I give to sit in a room with someone and know that we didn’t need to say anything because talking is just overwhelming. By the time I have translated their question, put thought into my answer, and stuttered my way through my answer, I really hope that they don’t have any more questions. But somehow I continue to learn new words and put together more thoughts. Whoever told me that being fluent was possible in three months was either crazy or amazing. I am still hoping for 6 months. But either way my sign language and sound effects make up the difference now. I never would have imagined the words I would act out in front of my 8th grade students when I just couldn’t come up with the word in Spanish. But they seem to enjoy watching their teacher move around so much in order to explain a simple thought. In the end, it gets the point across and as long as they learn, I’ve succeeded.

For now – I play with their hair, hold their hands, strain for words, and try to make sense of everything. And for now, God gives me the strength to keep straining.

“I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.” Luke 10:21

Pictures

Here are some pictures that Ashley asked me to post. Enjoy!