Why am I here?

The other day when I was talking to Melissa, she asked me why I was even here? At the time I couldn’t answer. I had to be honest and say I didn’t know. That was really discomforting. Only a week into my year and I had already lost my focus and purpose. Of course there are my selfish reasons of wanting to learn Spanish and hoping to make a difference along the way, but that’s not good enough. I’ve been rolling it around in my head since, and I finally feel peace again. I’m not here to start a church, heal a thousand ailments, or perfect the system of this orphanage called home. Perhaps I am here to do something even more important if that’s possible.

I’m here to:

• Accept the flowers from a little girl with a smile even when they make me sneeze
• To play the hokey-pokey with a group of highschool students
• Receive a hug around my knees from a hurting little boy
• Translate letters of hope and encouragement from sponsers
• Hold the hand of a child I have yet to learn the name of
• Listen to a complete conversation in jibberish and to still understand in my heart
• Know when to laugh, when to cry, and when to do both at the same time
• Live as an orphan and understand the pain, hunger, and lonliness of such a life
• Teach the 5 students out of 45 that actually want to learn
• And to love the others with an unexplainable love
• Appreciate what I had knowing that I can’t ever live that way again
• Accept the ways of the people without judgement
• Recognize my failures without limiting myself
• Realize that I have a new lesson to learn every day to come!

On the surface I may be here to teach English to 5th through 8th grade in the mornings, music in the afternoons, and English to the adults in the evening. But the surface is deceiving. When I look deeper the small details add color to the picture that I wouldn’t want to live without.

Dear God, help me to aim for the full picture, but to take the time to focus on the details as well. As long as you can see the whole picture, I need not worry about tomorrow. What a relief. I remind myself hourly. Thank you for your acceptance in my failures. Thank you for picking me up again. Help me to never lose this dependence on you. Amen.

Matthew 10:42 – “And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward."